Sunday, May 17, 2009

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

Throughout my life I have been a mind person. School and studies always came to me easily. My mind is sharp without being razor sharp. I always go straight to the non-fiction section in every bookstore. Emotions, empathy and compassion was something I was definitely capable of, but my mind was sometimes in the way; if you are a mind person you just live in your own world and are often just not sensitive enough to observe what others are going through. Actually, I was amazed how hazy the thought process of a heart-driven person could be at times; it just seemed to be a different world. Intuitively, however, I felt something was missing in my life and I married someone who is love, compassion and empathy all in one.

My spiritual journey was mind driven as well. Protestant by birth, I had a pretty rational spiritual education, but eventually still struggled with the concepts of faith and miracles. Ironically, it was Sri Ramakrishna - the saint of love, faith and passion - who got me back on my spiritual track. Still, the spiritual concept that resonates most with me is the Gita - Lord Krishna educates the human race in the same intellectual way as Neal Walsh was educated in his Conversations with God. But then a few years ago I figured out that what you really need to merge with our Source: the mind, the heart and energy, all working together.

Energy just came out of nowhere. Perhaps it always has been my destiny to get it. My mother told me a story that when she went in a store to get balloons for me they all burst in my hand. At one point the sales person - I grew up in Germany - just refused to give her more balloons. The energy wave started a couple of years ago. I vividly remember how I was sitting in a meeting and suddenly felt that strange sensation in my lower body. It was at if energy shot up from my testicles. Around this period, my sinus cleared up. Pretty much all my life my sinus were stuffed up and then one fine day I could breathe freely. Meanwhile the energy wave seems to be creeping up my spine: I feel little bubbles towards the end of my spine and often a certain lingering tension in my neck and lower head area. Actually, sometimes I feel as if I am burning up inside.

So what about the heart? Well, here is the thing: while you start your spiritual journey in one area, you reach a point when everything just takes off together. Today I look for clues everywhere, from the people you meet, the nature and environment you experience, songs on the radio, etc. When you are together with people you suddenly experience the exchange of energy waves. I will never forget a conversation with my assistant a while back. I had forgotten something she had already told me and when she realized that I saw a flash in her eye which hit me like a sledgehammer. That's what a spiritual journey does to you, it makes you sensitive in a way you never had before, and with it empathy and compassion come automatically.

Actually, I have no idea where my spiritual journey will take me. Things just happen so fast and they also seem unstable. Sometimes I ask myself, am I just losing my mind, which would be somewhat ironic for a mind person. But I am pretty sure that whatever comes from here will be a package deal. Mind, heart and the energy wave just expand together. Two out of three ain't bad, and that's just the beginning.

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