The Desire to be Special

Fall is here and with it the planning for the upcoming school year starts. My oldest boy will enter first grade next year and we are contemplating whether to send him to a private or a public school. Like with everything else in life, you can zoom in on the wonderful teachers he would be likely to meet in both institutions, the resources both places have, your own ability to do volunteer work, the costs, etc. But then there also is just the desire to be special. If you go a private school you value exclusivity, for you son and for yourself and this is a pretty ugly motive. Of course you would never call it that way. You would justify your decision by saying that you are maximizing your child's chances to go to an ivy league instution and launch his professional career that way. To put it that way sounds better, but it is still the same motive to be special.

The desire to be special is everywhere. Your cravings to be attractive, your desire to be someone at work or in your community. Don't get me wrong, you are beautiful, you are creative, connected and loved, and this is your birthright. But the desire and craving in you to be something that you think you are not right now is something entirely different. The problem is that it is so hard to separate the two. For all the spiritual path travelers, there is still one more illusion, the desire to be enlightened. Isn't this yet another motivation to be special. Ask yourself, would you prefer to be "enlightened" and write your books about it and everybody seeks your secret, or would you prefer to be in a brother- and sisterhood of people who are all one? If you have to admit it is the former than your ego is playing yet abother trick on you. By striving to be one, you actually like to separate yourself and seek your specialness.