"You idiot, you blew it again. At this pace you will never get anywhere on your spiritual journey". "But didn't I hear this before? Didn't you tell me exactly the same thing last time around only to find that four days afterwards you couldn't even remember what the supposedly counter-productive incident was?" Silence.
Believe it or not, this is the mental exchange that goes on in the head of many a spiritual path traveler. Who is the one who reminds you of your short-comings? And who is the authority that responds? I have no idea, but it also doesn't matter much. On the spiritual journey there is no sin, there are only delays. And every delay serves a purpose. It gets you insights about the ripple effects your actions have, and when you study them there is insight that changes behaviour.
They say that one day you will wake up in the same way as you woke up this morning. Nothing you ever did mattered, because everything you feel guilty about doesn't exist in this state. Whatever it is that agonizes you will disappear like a shadow as the light falls on it. In the meantime, it might take you a little mind acrobatics like the one above to get you to this realization.
A Happy New Year everybody - A new beginning is just a step away!
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