How does it help you to read book after book about how it supposedly is when you are holy, when you walk on water, when you are 'there'? You are here my friend, and your shadow is constantly reminding where you are, though you might be able to hide it for a week or two.
We have enough descriptions of samadhi, the fusion with God which you are set to experience soon enough. What we need from you is your unique contribution to transcend your shadow. Embrace him, keep her at an arm's distance or transcend the shadow altogether by creating a creative outlet of your tensions. It is your mission to advance to the next spiritual level and your solution will give your idiosyncratic mark on our conscious evolution.
Think of your demon as your gift, your puzzle to figure out. Once you have completely accepted to you are here and have found your way of creating, you will suddenly be 'there' for the simple reason that there is nothing to do anymore.
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