“It should be growing increasingly plain that I am not one of those more pessimistic mystics who advocate “Kill out desire! Annihilate the self!” I do not regard a negative state of unselfishness as a virtue, because it has so often been found to be the maiden aunt’s prim and private path into depression” (E. Graham Howe & William Stranger. “The Druid of Harley Street")
She was the hardest working woman I have ever seen, and she drove the people who worked for her into the ground. Had you asked her why, she would have said for the good of the company and there was even an element of truth in it. Yet, the subconscious motive was to succeed at any price, but the curious fact was that at the end of the day, when it really came down to it, she couldn't close the deal. When it was her moment to shine she put herself down to let others be in the lime-light. It was false humility though, she was simply held back by some inner conflicts she could never resolve. She left the company in a huff when, yet again, she felt overlooked in getting a promotion.
Had that colleague worked with a life coach she would have been really good at what she was doing. You may ask why I am I reflecting on the failed career of a greedy and conflicted woman and I would say that our spiritual community attracts conflicted people. We have numerous dreamers and repressed seekers and I am including myself in this list. We say no to dirty sex, we despise the greed in corporations, the corruption in politics and the attack on our environment, but if we really observed what is going on beneath the hood we would realize that so much of our well-meaning frustrations are self-generated. If we had the guts to conquer the woman of our dreams we wouldn't write notes about the spiritual danger of pornography. If we had more drive standing up for ourself we would be more relaxed about greed and aggressiveness in corporations and politics. And if we only went after our dreams we would be less depressed.
Cutting out conflicts is very confusing for a spiritual traveler because it appears that we violate what we know deep down inside is right - love, care and compassion. But that is not the case. All we ever do is to sleigh our own demons until the blessed day when we realize that these demons don't exist in the first place. Do you know how it feels to have endless butterflies in the stomach, the desire to run to the bathroom, the knees shaking and the experience of nausea? That's what it takes to override inner conflicts but life encourages us day in, day out to do it. It hurts to proceed but we continue because we know that GOD and our loved ones are waiting on the other side of the dark tunnel.
Life is perfectly designed to have it all, to earn enough money to know what abundance is all about; to enjoy steamy sex with the partner of our dreams; to be passionate about what we do and to see the purpose in our endeavors. In short, we can always be close to GOD, but to get to this point in our journey we have to ruthlessly cut out all interferences and find our wholeness and holiness in life's messiness. They say, "do what you have to do until you can do what you love to do" and that's what this note is all about. Listen to life's messages and go after what is meaningful to you. Life was made for you to find the WAY!