Recognizing what the ego is up to

Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside.
(Sri Ramana Maharshi)

He was a reputable judge, well-respected in his community. The one odd thing no-one knew about him though, he had a strange sexual fetish. Every other week when the work stress got to him, he compulsively visited "Madame". The moment when he entered her room he felt a blissful trance descending on him. Seeing her big breasts bursting out of her intimidating looking leather outfit, anticipating the lashes of her whip on his body, as well as the pain of the many other torture instruments put him over the edge. He literally checked out during this tour de force and reached many orgasmic highs in the process. Submitting to her power was all he wanted in that one hour of bliss.


It is natural to aspire to to be HOME. In fact, the enlightened 19th century monk Sri Ramakrishna often "checked out" in a state of samadhi several times a day, and spent his time with Durga Maa until he was rudely called back by life on planet earth. What is not so useful is to get to this state with the wrong means, like our judge did with his sexual fetish. Our ego separates us from experiencing ONENESS, then lures us in a state that tries to substitute for that missed CONNECTION, and afterwards beats us up over having chosen the wrong means. If that all sounds a bit out there, we can be mindful of the psychological games you often play with yourself. Everyone has an idol in disguise. Everyone who has faced life as a spiritual warrior has an AA coin locked up somewhere in the drawer.


It is not that hard to figure this ego game out. "Judging" people and enjoying the raised status of this "prestigious" profession is a break from ONENESS no matter if society thinks otherwise. The sexual fetish of dominance and submission is a psychological compensation for this abuse of power. It is said that many judges and law enforcement professionals succumb to BDSM. Yes, the hour of bliss appeals to the subconscious urges but it only builds a bad conscience and it intensifies the fear that one day someone will discover this naughty secret.


You can find the desire to "check out" everywhere, in shopping, alcohol, tv, food, drugs or electronics. Sri Ramana Maharshi reminds us that ONENESS and joy is inside of us. Wake up to the ego game and find HER inside instead.