Free

My father passed away about two weeks ago.  In these two weeks, I have been riding the emotional roller coaster.  One day, I feel I am totally fine; next day, I feel incredibly sad, scared, and full of pain.

One day, I was incredibly scared, sad, and full of pain. I felt lonely and life seemed unfair. The whole world was having fun; me, however, was soaked in pain. I felt that life was unfair to me.  However, all of a sudden, I realized, life has always been very fair to everyone.  Everyone of us, whatever our social status may be, sooner or later, all of us experience the pain of loss of our loved ones; sooner or later, we all need to experience the fear and pain of our own death.

When I had this realization, suddenly, I felt that I was liberated.  I was there equally with everyone else, equally experiencing this human life, the joy of birth, the happiness of success, the pain of loss, and the fear of death. Suddenly, I didn’t feel lonely at all. Suddenly, I felt that I was well taken care by life.

I also learn to balance myself through this emotional roller coaster experience.  What should we really attach to?  Nothing.  Except for our own awareness and observation, everything is surreal.  As soon as we are happy for something, the down side of life is always sliding in; as soon as we are sad for some bad happening, life silently lifts us up….just experience everything with an equal mind and know whatever you are experiencing, soon you are going to experience different things and different feelings.  There is no need to attach to these sad or happy feelings or experiences; just experience them as they are and center yourself there.  Whatever the world is changing, whatever life has brought you, you are there watching; experiencing with an pair of eternal eyes; you are there experiencing everything just like every one does.

When I see the truth of life, suddenly, I feel free.

By Su Zhen