The Presents of Now (revised)

I knew Eckhart Tolle before he was famous. I remember wondering then when my Awakening started whether he was still alive, as most of the famous spiritual writers tend to be long gone. Well, 13 years passed since, and Eckhart Tolle is still alive and well. My ability to stay present has certainly increased. However, from time to time, I still observe how some parts inside of me do not want to live in the present. I observe that I frequently want to live somewhere else instead of the places where I am. Because I move to different countries regularly, the process of assimilating to the local culture and starting all over again to build a new network of friends makes me want to escape the present moment far too often. I observe how I complain a lot every time I move to a new country.

Another occasion I always want to escape from is whenever I feel negative. I open up much more to some emotions, like happiness, ecstasy, sadness, grief, pain, loneliness, than to other emotions, like anxiety, panic, or being scared. I observe how I often try to repress these emotions by meditating or simply by becoming blank.

The trick I often use to escape being present is to be restless and by surfing on the internet.  I observe that whenever I become restless, there must be some issues or emotions I don’t want to face.  Often it is because that I don’t know how to face these issues. I become restless so I don’t need to get in touch my real feeling and address the real cause.  Surfing on the internet is the symptom when I become restless.

The interesting thing is, when you don’t strive to be a particular state and just want to know what’s going on in yourself, you can see yourself so clearly. You can then see all the dirty tricks and other things you don’t want to share with others. However, the more you walk on this path, the more the way is running through you, all these dirty tricks slowly leave you behind.  Not to be a saint, just be present!

By Suzanne Yang