Sunday, December 23, 2018

Love and Projection

You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.
Thich Nhat Hanh

I remember once talking to a Japanese friend when I was at graduate school, complaining that my English is still not as good as I want it to be. He laughed and said, ‘just get an American girlfriend?’ I was put off by his remark. How calculating can you get? Yet, isn’t true that our subconscious makes these choices all the time? Whatever these convenient attributes are when we want to fall in love, looks, earnings power, artistic abilities, generosity, smarts, you name it. We conveniently fall in love with the overall package hoping that we can benefit in the process.

A dance of two egos can never withstand the test of time, only love can. We may be lulled into a love affair but unless we truly open up to unconditional love, life will always encourage us to move on and ‘conquer’ more worthwhile attributes in somebody else who now seems more relevant and more ‘loveable’. We project our desires and conveniently call it love. Yet, there is hope. True love heals our perceived scarcity. More importantly perhaps, when we love our self, we finally have a shot at loving others unconditionally as well. I started out with a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh. Let me end with a quote from Sadhguru which is equally powerful, if a little depressing:

Being attached to someone is not about the other person. It’s about your own sense of inadequacy.

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