Too lazy to be ambitious,
I let the world take care of itself.
Ten days worth of rice in my bag,
a bundle of twigs by the fireplace.
Why chatter
about delusion or enlightenment?
Listening to the night rain
on my roof,
I sit comfortably
with both legs stretched out.
Ryokan
I had been in a pressure cooker all my life. Always passionate about my studies and work, but deep inside it wouldn’t have been so hard to figure out that it was fear that was driving me, the fear of not being someone; the fear of being small instead.
Something curious happens with Awakening. We enjoy the downhill skiing moments when everything goes effortlessly, but there is also apathy; a feeling of being caught in a twilight zone. Moving forwards takes effort. It’s a little like cross-country skiing.
Ryokan’s quote speaks to me, there is a lethargy that comes with Awakening, a feeling as if an engine is missing. Mostly we know that there is nothing to do, yet occasionally She calls, and then we get the cross-country skiers out whether we like it or not.
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