An old Chinese Zen Master once said, “From birth to death it’s just like this, we always imagine that there’s got to be somewhere else better than where we are right now; the great ‘somewhere else’ we carry around in our heads. We believe ‘somewhere else’ is out there for us if only we could find it. But there is no ‘somewhere else’. Everything is right here.”
Everyone is addicted! We are simply wired that way. Dopamines are flushing through our brain when we feel pleasure, just as dopamines are withdrawn from our brain when we feel frustrated or disappointed. The ego—our agenda, our cravings, fears and aversions—is literally hardwired into our body. We are addicted to our self! Enlightenment is being free from the cravings of our body and our self. We are in harmony with what is and experience a fulfillment and peace of mind with whatever happens. There is no anticipation of what will be, no hoping for better, and certainly no scheming for an better outcome and no regrets of what was. Life as is generates happiness. The brain is literally rewired in the enlightened state.
On a recent get-together of spiritual friends I was surprised to learn that nearly half of them had struggled with an addiction in the past, others had seen their fair share of pain and trauma. I thought that was a curious observation. It is almost as if we are a step ahead of the ‘regular folks’. Something inside of us has broken and we are busy putting the pieces back together again. We also have started getting an appetizer of what it feels to break free from an addiction, a compulsion, or a pain body. We have received a taste of freedom and some of us ask what happens when we leave all of our conditioning behind; how does it feel to step out of the self?
Awakening is a re-orientation towards life, a re-birth of sorts. We start emitting different vibrations and our life changes accordingly. A new tribe finds us while some old trusted friends vanish from our life. We are changing job assignments and dump society’s expectations of how to live our life. So far so good, but I would be careful here not to fall into the trap of trying to become the ‘better you’; that may just be another super-ego dressed in fancy spiritual clothes. No, instead I would be rather mindful of the inner and outer changes that take place and accept them as is. Instead of saying, ‘oh, if it wasn’t for that craving or that fear, I would be free now’, ask instead, ‘what does this compulsive habit have to teach me?’ Addictions, compulsive habits, and all of our cravings and fears are a teacher of where we still have some work ahead.
We have a little too much to eat; we listen to gossip and watch porn even though we know it’s not very spiritual; we are compulsive shoppers or users social media; we have the craving to be someone or to be loved. Life coaches show you how to make a change for the better in an area of our life that is important to you, and that’s obviously important to you. ‘Breaking Free’ aims higher though. We can can be mindful of our struggles without condemning them, but taking them as an encouragement instead to wake up from the dopamine game that humanity has been playing for eons for good.
Dr. Gabor Mate had a curious compulsive habit. Working with drug addicts in Canada, whenever the negative energy of his job got too much for him, he went to the local record store and bought expensive classical CDs. This may seem like a trivial expensive hobby to you, but to him it was a compulsive habit that he wanted to break, especially with his wife complaining about his recklessness, and with the credit card bills piling up. So he decided that he wanted to write his book, ‘In the realm of hungry ghosts’, not only to help his patients who suffered from serious drug addictions, but also to show to himself that he can beat his compulsive shopping habit. Well, he sheepishly had to admit in the end of writing his book that he would still purchase way too many classical CDs for his liking.
Dr. Gabor Mate certainly understood what his classical CD fetish was all about. In his messy work environment of addictions and destructive energy he craved a little order, a little beauty. Maybe his compulsive habit just came with his difficult job of being constantly exposed to the dark energies of addiction and drugs. Maybe his compulsive habit merely sent him the subconscious message to find a new job. It certainly inspired him to write a beautiful book, helping manny with their addiction and compulsive struggles. I am sure he has long recovered from it, especially because most record stores have closed down anyway and it is not as much to download expensive CD recordings digitally.
When my Awakening started in 2008, I had no idea what kind of pain-body I was carrying around. My first book, ‘The Magnificent Experiment’ attempted to describe the incredible experience of waking up. I saw light everywhere and discovered a magical world. It was like a spiritual honeymoon yet the homework of self-discovery was presented later to me. Now and then the stress from my work got to me. There was an inner restlessness that I could never break. Isn’t spiritual Awakening just like a marriage? The love you receive from your life-partner always stays the same, but you have to work a little harder in-between to keep the magic going. Don’t wish the struggles with your life partner away, that’s what it takes to become truly intimate with your better half. Likewise, don’t wish the interferences on your Awakening journey away, embrace them instead. It was the pain-body that allowed me to Awaken to my ego. It was the inner conflicts and tensions that broke me open to break free. And yes, I had an amazing support system to complete the transformation. My spiritual partner alerted me to the suppressed feelings I carried inside and to the damage my monkey mind inflicted on me. Likewise, your support system is already waiting for you to help you break free. It’s a perk of the Way.
Freedom is a feeling, a breaking through to a higher plane of consciousness and it can come any time and in any situation. To me it came with the kundalini energy break-through. Suddenly I experienced the ego just like clouds on an otherwise sunny day. Anyone who is on a spiritual journey will experience this break-through one day, when the crack in the illusionary self becomes so large that you can peek through the holes and see the sunshine peering through. What it took though was the decision to just sit there and let it all bubble to the surface without resisting, judging or escaping. Everyone has an inner void that we try to avoid at any cost. A spiritual quest leads you right to it. You may still try to avoid it with some by-passing attempts such as projecting into a guru, or a twin flame, by signing up for one meditation class after the next, or lecturing others about spirituality and right living. We are allowed to have a little fun in our quest but eventually we all have to face the void, and when we do all compulsively and addictive tendencies are gone. They are no longer relevant afterwards. They only exist to tell us that there is something about ourself that we are unwilling to face.
Are you ready to face the void? Are you ready to break free?
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