How important it is to connect with our parents! If you can connect with your parents, even if you encounter problems, you can face them and you have the ability to deal with them, and turn these issues into in opportunity for learning how to deal with them. If there is no connection between you and your parents, these difficulties will turn into frustration, complaint and anger. This is very different.
When my son was in high school, one time he came home and and was full of complaints, “Today is a bad day!” He was so angry that sounded like he was being bullied. I asked him what happened? It turns out it was just that he came across 6-7 red lights in a row. “see, how unlucky I am!” He cannot even tolerate things like this.
Then I started talking to him, listening to him, and today he is totally changed. His attitude is totally changed if he comes across some difficulties at work. Before he would complain and lose his temper, but now he just feels every setback is his learning opportunity. And he would tell me what he has learned. This is very important.
Whenever he comes across difficulty, he doesn’t complain like he did before but instead tells me “mom, I have these cases, and there are some issues, and this is how I am going to handle them…” He is happy today, even though there are still problematic issues, but he learns how to deal with them. This is the difference.
So the key is not to have issues, but take these issues as learning opportunities and turn them into nutrition to nurture us; this is the Tao. Once you connect with your parents, the inner strength will come out.
We all will come across issues. It is not because some people cannot deal with their issues but because his strength is stagnant inside. Family Constellations can help people bring out their strength.
By Suzhen Liu
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