Transcend Your Thinking Patterns

 Let me share a short story. There was a housewife who worked very hard every day to keep her household in order. She continually improved her cooking skills so she could provide healthy and delicious meals for her family. Household chores were her main focus, and her family often expressed their gratitude and appreciation.

One day, she prepared a delicious dinner, but her husband only took a few bites before moving to the living room to watch TV. If you were her, how would you feel?” Did he think my cooking wasn’t good?” “I worked so hard, yet I’m not appreciated.” “What did I do wrong?”

Now, pay attention to the thoughts as they arise. At first, you may notice the feeling of being under-appreciated. Ask yourself, “Why do I feel under-appreciated?” Perhaps the answer is, “I feel unworthy. He didn’t see my effort at all.” Then, how do you usually respond? “Maybe I should think positively.” “He might just be tired.” “Forget it.”

Often, our attention stops at this stage—searching for explanations—because we cannot see clearly. Why is that? Because we easily fall into habitual thinking patterns, like a computer running on autopilot after receiving a single command. This pattern doesn’t only occur between partners; it also appears in our relationships with friends and family. It is not just your partner—you may also feel under-appreciated by friends or others close to you.

Even if we find a hundred reasons to excuse the other person, the feeling of being under-appreciated remains. That is because the same pattern repeats itself in all our relationships. We could call this autopilot karma. This karma operates between partners, friends, and parents, and it feels unbreakable.

Why does it seem so difficult to change? Because our attention stops at the level of seeking solutions—what we may call surface consciousness. The answers we find at this level cannot truly resolve the issue. When our awareness stays here, we cannot see the root cause, and the pattern continues to repeat.

To transcend it, we need to go deeper, into the second level of consciousness—the level of interaction patterns and underlying beliefs. There, old wounds may surface. Perhaps at some point in the past, we were hurt, and that experience led us to believe that we can only relax or feel worthy when everything is perfect. Behind the pursuit of perfection, there is often an unseen obstacle.

When we see this clearly, we can finally transcend the pattern. We realize that we don’t need to be a perfect chef, partner, or caregiver. We simply need to be natural.

To reach this point, we must pay attention to every thought. Each thought, when observed with awareness, can lead us from surface consciousness into deeper understanding.

Suzhen Liu

If you enjoy Suzhen Liu’s writings, please check out her new book, “Discover Love Within—Release Your Suffering” available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Discover-Love-Within-Release-Suffering/dp/0999251732