When your partner has a difficult day at work or experiences something unpleasant on the way home, it is natural for them to bring that anger or emotional turbulence back into the relationship. How can we remain unaffected?
First, we must learn to see. If we cannot see what is happening—within ourselves and within the other—we will simply react as we always have, and tension will arise in the relationship. Not being influenced does not mean closing our hearts or becoming indifferent. It does not mean we stop caring. Rather, it means learning to see with clarity.
All our learning is not about fixing problems, but about understanding. When we feel hurt or frustrated, we begin by observing our own pain and reactions. In seeing them clearly, something begins to soften and loosen. The pain we once ignored becomes repressed energy within us. When we learn to see it, we can meet it with empathy. And when we can truly empathize with ourselves, we naturally develop the capacity to empathize with others. In this way, we are no longer controlled by their emotional state.
Perhaps the other person has not yet begun their journey of awareness. Perhaps their time has not yet come. Still, we can understand their pain. From this understanding arises a deep, steady, and powerful compassion—one that is not easily shaken. It is like being with a crying toddler. We do not become angry, because we know the child must have a need—perhaps hunger, discomfort, or fatigue. Their crying does not disturb our inner balance.
Calm down. Pay attention.
In time, we begin to see.
And once we see, we understand.
When there is understanding, there is no longer influence.
By Suzhen Liu
If you enjoy Suzhen Liu’s writings, please check out her new book, “Discover Love Within—Release Your Suffering” available on Amazon.
