One day, a student shared his experiences. He said he often felt wronged, became a scapegoat, and didn’t understand what was happening. I felt that such experiences do not arise without reason. Perhaps one is carrying a deep capacity for compassion, or perhaps there is a need to transcend the pattern of being wronged—or both. No one can give a definitive answer; it must be seen directly through one’s own awareness.
When we are forced to take the blame, if we simply blame others and believe they should carry the responsibility, we tend to remain in a state of being wronged and misunderstood. This is because we have not yet developed the clarity and inner strength to understand the situation fully, and so the pattern continues. When we keep blaming others, we remain unable to transcend it.
If we carry the energy of being despised, disliked, or wronged, we may temporarily soothe ourselves by saying it is entirely the fault of others. However, we can also choose a different path: to release this inner burden by understanding the situation more deeply, loosening the points where we are stuck, and gradually dissolving old patterns.
The first response keeps us trapped in repetition, continuing to experience being wronged. The second allows us to step out of this cycle and loosen the pattern of being despised.
The pain you are experiencing now may also be connected to pain you once caused others. In this sense, pain becomes an opportunity—to understand the suffering of others, and to stop repeating the same harm. When you are fully present with your pain, you are also beginning to end it.
If you resist it—“No, don’t hurt me. Why are you blaming me? Why are you excluding me? I hate this”—then more resistance arises, and with it, more accumulated suffering.
When you stay present with the pain instead of resisting it, the cycle begins to dissolve. But when you resist, you reinforce it.
To take the pain is to take responsibility for what arises within your experience. Once fully met, it no longer remains as suffering in the same way. There is no need to fear it. In a sense, you are burning old karma. If you take on a portion, something is released; if you avoid it completely, it remains unchanged. This is why presence with pain is important.
Do not rush to escape. Simply allow it to be seen and felt, until it naturally releases itself. As layers fall away, your true nature begins to emerge. When this nature is revealed, there is liberation.
Deep within us, this nature is always present—a clear, unpolluted state of being. Sometimes we return to it through directly experiencing pain, which strips away illusion and reveals what is real.
Thus, the pain you experience now serves two purposes: first, to help you understand; second, to reveal how painful it is to hurt others and to be hurt. When one suffers, the other suffers as well. When this is truly seen, the cycle of harm can end.
This is, perhaps, the deepest meaning behind suffering: it cannot be fully understood through words alone. It must be experienced directly. When you meet it with sincerity, your suffering begins to dissolve.
So there is meaning beneath suffering. Without directly experiencing pain, we cannot truly understand others’ pain or our own. When we do not fully face it, it does not end. The essential step is to meet it fully—then the pain itself begins to transform.
Once, during a therapeutic massage, I felt as if I had been pressed by an elephant. The pain went deep into the bone. Yet I did not run away; I stayed with it and allowed it to be felt fully. Afterward, I was no longer afraid of pain.
In your darkest moments, when you feel you can no longer continue, you may discover your blind spots. In this way, suffering becomes a lesson for the soul. If, in suffering, we do not observe or become aware, then the suffering is not truly understood—and its message is lost.
By Suzhen Liu
If you enjoy Suzhen Liu’s writings, please check out her latest book, “Discover Love Within—Release your suffering,” available on Amazon
