“Following” in the Family Energy System

 In family energy systems, there is a commonly observed phenomenon known as “following.”

 

“Following” refers to the situation in which, after one member of a family passes away, another family member often dies not long afterward. This pattern appears in many families, and it has also occurred in my own family.

 

In an earlier article, I mentioned that my father once collapsed and was sent to the intensive care unit. After that incident, his mobility became limited, and he was eventually placed in a nursing home. At the time, I was living in Hong Kong, and my family did not tell me what had happened.

 

Interestingly, during that same period, I myself also experienced difficulties with mobility.

 

Around the same time that my father fell ill, one of my half-sisters suddenly suffered a stroke and was also sent to the intensive care unit. She remained in the hospital for a year before gradually recovering. Another half-sister passed away quietly in her sleep a few months later.

 

In many families, we can observe similar situations: after one family member passes away, another member may follow a few months later.

 

From these phenomena, we can begin to see something important: people who belong to the same family energy system are deeply interconnected and influence one another. However, for most people, this influence is invisible and difficult to understand.

 

In another article about family energy systems, I once used a metaphor: a family is like a pot of soup, and each family member is like an ingredient in that soup. Every ingredient contributes to the overall flavor of the soup, while at the same time each ingredient is also influenced by the soup as a whole.

 

In other words, each of us lives within the energetic field of our family. The joys, sorrows, unresolved pain, and even the destinies within a family often flow among its members and subtly affect one another. Yet most of the time, we are not aware that we are being influenced by these forces.

 

Many people unconsciously carry the emotions, destinies, or suffering of their family members, and may even repeat life patterns that seem difficult to explain.

 

The study of family energy offers us an opportunity to begin seeing these hidden connections. When a person can truly see how the family system operates—when the unseen ties and entanglements that have long remained unrecognized finally come into awareness—a deep sense of understanding and acceptance naturally arises.

 

Through this kind of seeing, many entanglements begin to loosen, and much of the heaviness we carry can gradually be released. In this way, we are no longer simply pushed forward by fate, but can move toward a life that is more conscious, respectful, and truly our own.

 

By Suzanne Yang

 

Stay vigilant, mate

 A friend who is a little bit older said at a recent get-together that he was part of the Berkeley hippie movement of the 60s, “Our mistake was to believe that we were done. It turns out to have to be vigilant for freedom all the time.” 

When he said this I realized that this insight applies to spirituality just as well. Awareness is our birthright, but we have to be self-aware and return to the higher dimension of being again and again. Stay vigilant, mate!

Don’t Project the Pain onto Others

 A student once shared that after attending a family energy workshop, she began to feel a strong sense of resentment. In the past, she was always the one who compromised and tolerated everything. Now, however, she found herself daring to fight back. This change left her feeling confused and helpless.

 

For years, she had repressed her true feelings in order to accommodate others. But when we constantly suppress ourselves to maintain harmony, those unexpressed emotions eventually wound us from within. To please others, we silence our own needs. We believe that by pleasing others, we will receive love in return. And in our minds, “love” simply becomes: when someone treats me well.

 

Often, we suppress ourselves in order to gain something — love, approval, acceptance. But this is a transaction. What do others actually experience in our cooperation? A superficial peace.

 

Why do we tolerate so much? Sometimes it is because we want to appear as a “good person.” We think that if we become good enough, we will earn love. Yet this very pattern slowly undermines authentic relationships.

 

If we look deeply and honestly beneath this tolerance, what do we find? Fear. We are afraid of conflict. We are afraid of rejection. We are afraid of loss. To avoid facing this fear, we cover it with pleasing behavior.

 

Now the real work begins: to face our pain and stay with it.

 

At the deepest level, the fear of loss is an inner wound. But instead of owning this pain, we often tie it to someone else. We project it outward. The moment we do this, pain creates more pain.

 

When we think, “What can he do so I won’t feel afraid?” we hand responsibility for our inner world to the other person. And that guarantees endless suffering.

 

Projection creates opposition. Now it becomes “me versus him.” We start strategizing — how to manage him, how to control the situation, how to protect ourselves. Sometimes we repress. Next time, we try another tactic. This constant cycle of managing and reacting keeps the pain alive and repeating.

 

The only real liberation is to do the opposite: turn inward and face the fear of loss directly.

 

When I no longer project my pain onto the other person but instead stay present with my own fear — keeping my awareness gently anchored there — something begins to shift. The fear transforms.

 

For example, if someone cheats on us, what is the pain we actually feel? Abandonment. Betrayal. Being left alone. If we attach our suffering solely to the other person’s behavior — “How could you do this to me?” — the pain will never end. Our thoughts will keep fueling it.

 

But underneath betrayal and unfairness lies something even deeper: the fear of loss, and the fear of being alone.

 

Isn’t that something we must face within ourselves?

 

If we truly understand and face our feelings of emptiness and aloneness, others’ behaviors will no longer have the power to determine our inner state. Sadness may arise, but it will not overwhelm us.

 

When we learn to stay present with our own pain, our consciousness begins to shift. This transformation naturally influences our children and the people around us. We no longer pass down unconscious patterns; we transmit awareness instead.

 

When we are willing to face pain directly, everything becomes simpler. The complicated strategies dissolve. Our old patterns of suffering loosen one by one — not through force, but through understanding.

And in that space, relationships can become real.

 

By Suzhen Liu

 

If you enjoy Suzhen Liu’s writings, please check out her new book, “Discover Love Within—Release Your Suffering” available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Discover-Love-Within-Release-Suffering/dp/0999251732

A portal to a higher dimension of being

 Everyone is God speaking, and everything we encounter in daily life is either a nod to what lies beyond self or a message we are subconsciously sending ourselves to be mindful of self-inflicted obstacles. “Right action” is a signpost of our freedom from the “body, mind, world matrix.” It’s a reflection of the fact that the divine wheels are spinning. “Wrong action” is a portal of sorts as well, inviting us to get the self out of the Way.

The portal to the higher dimension of being is stillness and love. When our heart wraps itself around the other, or the mission we have embarked on, our heart centered energy circuit overpowers our mind-centered energy cycle. Our vision becomes broader as the heart unifies while our agenda divides. We see the magnificence of “life as is” and our mind naturally quiets down. Heart, crown chakra and third eye are activated.

Can We Get Love Through Illness?

 A classmate shared: “When I was little, I fell down the stairs and needed several stitches. My mom went out and bought me a big apple. I remember feeling that this kind of treatment was something I normally never received—it only came when I was sick.

 

Even now, I sometimes feel that in ordinary days my husband doesn’t really look at me, and my children are all busy. But once I get sick, care and concern seem to come from all directions.

 

Yet deep inside, I’ve begun reflecting and realizing that this is not truly what I want.”

 

Can We Obtain Love Through Illness?

 

From this perspective, we can see that the difficulties we encounter in life may actually reflect something we unconsciously want—we just don’t realize that we ourselves are the originator.

 

If illness becomes our only sense of security, then it truly is suffering. I don’t think this is love; I think it is control. Even if we gain attention through sickness, there is no real happiness in it, because it must come through physical discomfort and pain.

 

This way of seeking love simply isn’t worth it. Other people’s care may be spoken, but our pain is real—and sometimes that pain cannot be healed. We end up tormenting ourselves, and what we receive in return is not genuine care.

 

Another person’s concern, importance, or effort cannot truly bring happiness either. Neither side is genuinely joyful. The only real way forward is for us to elevate ourselves and cultivate genuine happiness.

 

That kind of happiness feels even more comfortable and fulfilling than being loved, cared for, or noticed. It is more fundamental, because this state arises from our own energy and soul—it does not disappear.

 

Suzhen Liu

 

If you enjoy Suzhen Liu’s writings, please check out her new book, “Discover Love Within—Release Your Suffering” available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Discover-Love-Within-Release-Suffering/dp/0999251732

Let a higher dimension fill in the blanks

 The unborn is not something difficult to attain.

 It’s not something distant.

 It’s not something we have to search for.

 It’s not something we have to discover.

 It’s something we already have, right here, right now.

 Bankei Yotaku (1622-1693)

I woke up this morning with the download “there is no cause and effect.” When we perceive cause and effect it is because the conditioned self is involved. In the unborn moment, everything happens everywhere all at once. When something needs attention, open up to the energy of the unborn moment and let

S (tillness)

E (nergy)

L (ove)

F (low)

prevail. Fall into the unborn moment and let a higher dimension fill in the blanks.

Seeing the Wholeness of Life

 Family life is, in truth, a mixture of joy and sorrow, highs and lows. Yet before I began learning, I had no capacity to see this reality. I wanted only the “good” and rejected the “bad.” In doing so, I created much unnecessary pain, conflict, and inner contradiction for myself.

 

When I began to learn, I slowly discovered that everything carries both light and shadow. What we call “good” is not always truly good, and what we label “bad” is not necessarily bad. Life simply is as it is. There is joy and separation in human relationships; there are phases of fullness and emptiness in the moon; the earth moves through its seasons—spring, summer, autumn, and winter.

 

Yet in the past, I insisted on only the pleasant parts—only the rise, never the fall. I could not move with the rhythm of life, the pulse of the universe. I lived inside my mind, inside my desires. Whenever something did not go my way, I blamed those around me for my suffering, and in doing so, I created even more pain and conflict.

 

Now I can see that everything was whole from the beginning. The ups and downs of life, the waxing and waning, the brightness and the shadows—none of it is lacking. All of it belongs. Flow and change are natural laws. Because I once clung stubbornly to my own preferences—grasping what I wanted and rejecting what I did not—I generated much suffering. But when I began to see that relationships naturally rise and fall, that life naturally includes challenges, just like the seasons, I became able to say yes to what appears.

 

In those moments, what I need to do is simply be still and stay with it—with him, with her, with it. I allow the current to pass through me. And within that current, I learn the wisdom, insight, and courage it has come to offer.

 

Then harmony and love arise on their own.

 

By Suzanne Yang