Don’t Project the Pain onto Others

 A student once shared that after attending a family energy workshop, she began to feel a strong sense of resentment. In the past, she was always the one who compromised and tolerated everything. Now, however, she found herself daring to fight back. This change left her feeling confused and helpless.

 

For years, she had repressed her true feelings in order to accommodate others. But when we constantly suppress ourselves to maintain harmony, those unexpressed emotions eventually wound us from within. To please others, we silence our own needs. We believe that by pleasing others, we will receive love in return. And in our minds, “love” simply becomes: when someone treats me well.

 

Often, we suppress ourselves in order to gain something — love, approval, acceptance. But this is a transaction. What do others actually experience in our cooperation? A superficial peace.

 

Why do we tolerate so much? Sometimes it is because we want to appear as a “good person.” We think that if we become good enough, we will earn love. Yet this very pattern slowly undermines authentic relationships.

 

If we look deeply and honestly beneath this tolerance, what do we find? Fear. We are afraid of conflict. We are afraid of rejection. We are afraid of loss. To avoid facing this fear, we cover it with pleasing behavior.

 

Now the real work begins: to face our pain and stay with it.

 

At the deepest level, the fear of loss is an inner wound. But instead of owning this pain, we often tie it to someone else. We project it outward. The moment we do this, pain creates more pain.

 

When we think, “What can he do so I won’t feel afraid?” we hand responsibility for our inner world to the other person. And that guarantees endless suffering.

 

Projection creates opposition. Now it becomes “me versus him.” We start strategizing — how to manage him, how to control the situation, how to protect ourselves. Sometimes we repress. Next time, we try another tactic. This constant cycle of managing and reacting keeps the pain alive and repeating.

 

The only real liberation is to do the opposite: turn inward and face the fear of loss directly.

 

When I no longer project my pain onto the other person but instead stay present with my own fear — keeping my awareness gently anchored there — something begins to shift. The fear transforms.

 

For example, if someone cheats on us, what is the pain we actually feel? Abandonment. Betrayal. Being left alone. If we attach our suffering solely to the other person’s behavior — “How could you do this to me?” — the pain will never end. Our thoughts will keep fueling it.

 

But underneath betrayal and unfairness lies something even deeper: the fear of loss, and the fear of being alone.

 

Isn’t that something we must face within ourselves?

 

If we truly understand and face our feelings of emptiness and aloneness, others’ behaviors will no longer have the power to determine our inner state. Sadness may arise, but it will not overwhelm us.

 

When we learn to stay present with our own pain, our consciousness begins to shift. This transformation naturally influences our children and the people around us. We no longer pass down unconscious patterns; we transmit awareness instead.

 

When we are willing to face pain directly, everything becomes simpler. The complicated strategies dissolve. Our old patterns of suffering loosen one by one — not through force, but through understanding.

And in that space, relationships can become real.

 

By Suzhen Liu

 

If you enjoy Suzhen Liu’s writings, please check out her new book, “Discover Love Within—Release Your Suffering” available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Discover-Love-Within-Release-Suffering/dp/0999251732

A portal to a higher dimension of being

 Everyone is God speaking, and everything we encounter in daily life is either a nod to what lies beyond self or a message we are subconsciously sending ourselves to be mindful of self-inflicted obstacles. “Right action” is a signpost of our freedom from the “body, mind, world matrix.” It’s a reflection of the fact that the divine wheels are spinning. “Wrong action” is a portal of sorts as well, inviting us to get the self out of the Way.

The portal to the higher dimension of being is stillness and love. When our heart wraps itself around the other, or the mission we have embarked on, our heart centered energy circuit overpowers our mind-centered energy cycle. Our vision becomes broader as the heart unifies while our agenda divides. We see the magnificence of “life as is” and our mind naturally quiets down. Heart, crown chakra and third eye are activated.

Can We Get Love Through Illness?

 A classmate shared: “When I was little, I fell down the stairs and needed several stitches. My mom went out and bought me a big apple. I remember feeling that this kind of treatment was something I normally never received—it only came when I was sick.

 

Even now, I sometimes feel that in ordinary days my husband doesn’t really look at me, and my children are all busy. But once I get sick, care and concern seem to come from all directions.

 

Yet deep inside, I’ve begun reflecting and realizing that this is not truly what I want.”

 

Can We Obtain Love Through Illness?

 

From this perspective, we can see that the difficulties we encounter in life may actually reflect something we unconsciously want—we just don’t realize that we ourselves are the originator.

 

If illness becomes our only sense of security, then it truly is suffering. I don’t think this is love; I think it is control. Even if we gain attention through sickness, there is no real happiness in it, because it must come through physical discomfort and pain.

 

This way of seeking love simply isn’t worth it. Other people’s care may be spoken, but our pain is real—and sometimes that pain cannot be healed. We end up tormenting ourselves, and what we receive in return is not genuine care.

 

Another person’s concern, importance, or effort cannot truly bring happiness either. Neither side is genuinely joyful. The only real way forward is for us to elevate ourselves and cultivate genuine happiness.

 

That kind of happiness feels even more comfortable and fulfilling than being loved, cared for, or noticed. It is more fundamental, because this state arises from our own energy and soul—it does not disappear.

 

Suzhen Liu

 

If you enjoy Suzhen Liu’s writings, please check out her new book, “Discover Love Within—Release Your Suffering” available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Discover-Love-Within-Release-Suffering/dp/0999251732

Let a higher dimension fill in the blanks

 The unborn is not something difficult to attain.

 It’s not something distant.

 It’s not something we have to search for.

 It’s not something we have to discover.

 It’s something we already have, right here, right now.

 Bankei Yotaku (1622-1693)

I woke up this morning with the download “there is no cause and effect.” When we perceive cause and effect it is because the conditioned self is involved. In the unborn moment, everything happens everywhere all at once. When something needs attention, open up to the energy of the unborn moment and let

S (tillness)

E (nergy)

L (ove)

F (low)

prevail. Fall into the unborn moment and let a higher dimension fill in the blanks.

Seeing the Wholeness of Life

 Family life is, in truth, a mixture of joy and sorrow, highs and lows. Yet before I began learning, I had no capacity to see this reality. I wanted only the “good” and rejected the “bad.” In doing so, I created much unnecessary pain, conflict, and inner contradiction for myself.

 

When I began to learn, I slowly discovered that everything carries both light and shadow. What we call “good” is not always truly good, and what we label “bad” is not necessarily bad. Life simply is as it is. There is joy and separation in human relationships; there are phases of fullness and emptiness in the moon; the earth moves through its seasons—spring, summer, autumn, and winter.

 

Yet in the past, I insisted on only the pleasant parts—only the rise, never the fall. I could not move with the rhythm of life, the pulse of the universe. I lived inside my mind, inside my desires. Whenever something did not go my way, I blamed those around me for my suffering, and in doing so, I created even more pain and conflict.

 

Now I can see that everything was whole from the beginning. The ups and downs of life, the waxing and waning, the brightness and the shadows—none of it is lacking. All of it belongs. Flow and change are natural laws. Because I once clung stubbornly to my own preferences—grasping what I wanted and rejecting what I did not—I generated much suffering. But when I began to see that relationships naturally rise and fall, that life naturally includes challenges, just like the seasons, I became able to say yes to what appears.

 

In those moments, what I need to do is simply be still and stay with it—with him, with her, with it. I allow the current to pass through me. And within that current, I learn the wisdom, insight, and courage it has come to offer.

 

Then harmony and love arise on their own.

 

By Suzanne Yang

 

 

 

Let body, mind and world talk to you

 They say a broken clock is right twice a day. There is actually a lot of wisdom in this strange statement. No matter how messed up our life is, there are always these moments of clarity when we understand everything, but soon enough the fog sets in and we continue to be as confused as ever. It’s not surprising actually. We all have a God-link implanted in us, and the more we deviate from our Home, the louder the calls to return to wholeness, serenity and love.

What can we do when we are fed up with our obstacles and self-imposed interferences? We can observe! We can look for the messages our body sends. We can watch our mind in action. We can study our implicit belief system, and we can watch the eternal emotional ups and downs. Life is a feedback mechanism. It displays to us who we think we are. Do you like what you see? Just observe and let body, mind and world talk to you. 

Finding Our Own Power

 Many people live in a victim mindset. They believe others should be responsible for their pain and problems. By blaming others, they feel they have no choice — as if life is simply happening to them. Few are willing to see that they may be co-creating the very situations they complain about. When we begin to observe ourselves, something shifts. We can start to inquire: “How have I been participating in this? In what way have I been helping this pattern to continue?”

 

What others do is not separate from us. Sometimes their behavior is closely related to our own unconscious cooperation. Imagine someone borrows money from you. The first time, he asks for one hundred. You give it to him. He doesn’t return it. The second time, he borrows five hundred. You give it again — and still don’t ask for it back. Later, he asks for thirty thousand. You give it. Finally, he asks for one million — and once again, he doesn’t repay you. Now you feel cheated. You feel betrayed. You feel you have suffered a huge loss.

 

But if we are practicing meditation or self-awareness, we must return to ourselves and ask a deeper question:

 

Why couldn’t I say no?

Was I feeling guilty? Was I afraid of losing the friendship? Was I seeking approval?

In what way was I helping him? How did I become an accomplice in my own hurt?

 

When I lent him the money, what was I hoping to receive in return? Perhaps I wanted to feel needed. Perhaps I wanted security in the relationship. Perhaps I believed that by giving, I could prevent abandonment. Beneath it all, there may have been one simple truth:

I was afraid of losing him.

 

If that is the case, then when he borrowed money and failed to return it, he was not the only one creating the pain. I was participating — because my fear would not allow me to set a boundary. This is not merely about deciding, “I will never lend him money again.” It is about turning inward and facing the deeper fear of loss.

When we allow the fear of losing someone to surface, other fears may rise as well. If we continue to avoid them, the pattern will repeat — and the next time he asks for money, we may give again.

But if we stay present and see clearly that this fear is not an absolute truth — that it is a conditioned illusion — then something changes. We can let the fear come forward. We can feel the pain we once tried to avoid. We can admit honestly: “Yes, I am afraid of losing him.”

 

Paradoxically, when we stop running from the fear, it begins to loosen. The knot softens.

We transcend not because the situation disappears, but because we are no longer controlled by fear. When fear dissolves, the pattern dissolves with it. True power is not found in controlling others. It is found in seeing our own participation — and choosing differently. That is where freedom begins.

 

By Suzhen Liu

 

If you enjoy Suzhen Liu’s writings, please check out her new book, “Discover Love Within—Release Your Suffering” available on Amazon.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Discover-Love-Within-Release-Suffering/dp/0999251732