Without awareness, we continue living under the influence of our belief system.
When we were children, we worked hard to meet our parents’ expectations and demands. We believed that if we followed their instructions, they would become happy. But even when we tried our best, they were not necessarily happy. At the same time, our parents were also busy meeting other people’s expectations. In the process, many of them lost touch with themselves. And people who have lost themselves cannot truly be happy.
We learn very early to meet others’ demands so they will be pleased with us, accept us, and love us. Once this pattern is formed, it becomes difficult for us to be happy. Our attention constantly goes outward—we watch other people’s reactions and worry whether we are doing well enough.
Without awareness, we remain stuck in this pattern. It feels familiar, and we are drawn to it instinctively, just as ants are drawn to sweets. We cannot help returning to it. There is a strong pulling force in this pattern, and without learning and reflection, it is very difficult to step out of it. So we remain caught in this cycle of suffering.
Our motivation is our intention, and our intention shapes the outcome. In that sense, motivation is the outcome.
A child’s motivation is simple: to make their parents happy in order to receive care and love. The child believes that if the parents are happy, love will follow. So the child studies hard, helps with chores, and obeys instructions.
But if the parents are still unhappy and do not offer attention or affection, the child begins to feel unloved and undervalued. Frustration slowly grows.
We believe that if we fulfill others’ expectations, they will be happy. And when they are happy, we will finally be happy too. This belief is passed down from generation to generation. We hand over our right to happiness to others and wait for the day when “if they are happy, we will be happy,” but that day never comes.
So what is wrong with the thought, “If they are happy, we will be happy”? The issue is not whether this pattern is good or bad. The real issue is that we believe it is true. We do not see that it is only a thought. Our mind cannot recognize that it may be an illusion—something we constructed ourselves.
Perhaps it is not created by us alone, but by the whole society. Yet we rarely question it.
And that is where we remain trapped.
By Suzhen Liu
If you enjoy Suzhen Liu’s writings, please check out her new book, “Discover Love Within—Release Your Suffering” available on Amazon.
No comments:
Post a Comment