Stay with the “you” until it is not!

 I read a book about sexual fantasies and one particular story got my attention. It was a guy who always masturbated to the same fantasy. He went to his letter box and found a letter from the Swedish Nobel Prize Committee. He won the award this year, and that’s when the climax happened!

 

An interesting mental twist, linking the cravings for sex, recognition and power. You might say, what’s wrong with the picture, after all, there is no harm in masturbating and having a few fantasies. He probably felt good and didn’t bother anyone else.

 

Isn’t this the problem of modern man? We follow what feels good and try to avoid as best as we can what is perceived to be bothersome. Step number 1 is acknowledging that something is amiss, and step 2 is about doing something about it.

 

The unusual sexual fantasy in the example is about a lack of recognition and the power to do something about it. A life coach and a therapist could help digging up the psychological inferences and could propose concrete steps how to claim his authentic power instead of fantasizing about it.

 

How to leave all of this behind, even the need for change? How can we jump straight to the source of peace, abundance and love and thus reach the ultimate state of empowerment by circumventing all aspects of self identification? This is the true spiritual break-through.

 

Observe when the body-mind-world matrix traps “you” and you kind of enjoy the pleasurable self identification. Likewise, observe when “you” look down on aspects of yourself and ask for a better way. The true revolution is only possible when “you” are done with the body, mind, world matrix.

 

“You” are you! In the eyes of the deprived man in the example, true change has to start with the insight, “I am the one who is craving power and recognition without doing anything constructive about it.” That’s when we have a chance to look at the conflicted energy inside of us.

 

We can step out of the self identification here and now. It’s an energy event. It’s a shift. Stagnating energy moves and the entity that identifies with the body, mind, world matrix dissolves at that moment so that we have the capacity to perceive what lies beyond it. Stay with the “you” until it is not.

Observe the “me” at work

 When we look at our own action and say, “that’s just greedy!” we have introduced a split between who we truly think we are—the observer—and the temporary mistaken identity. We do that all the time, and it is a useful facility to have in particular situations, say we realize that we are too aggressive in an interaction and force ourselves to take a step back, or we realize that we have been mean and use the next opportunity to apologize.

 

Yet, the separation between observer and observer is not the real thing. There is no “True Self” that looks down on the psychological self, there is only the “me” and we have to deal with it. Do you have that person who always triggers you? You may go into a meeting at work or into a weekend with a family member with the intention to do damage control this time around, but your blood pressure will rise either way; that’s the “me” at work. It’s you!

 

There is so much power when you observe at that moment the “me” at work. I did that yesterday and a revolution took place. For the first time you can actually feel the inner interference and the stuck energy moving when you allow to be that “me.”  An interference that I had for the longest time disappeared in a heartbeat. ‘The observer is the observed,” has been the battle cry of J. Krishnamurti in all his teachings. Zoom into the flow of energy as it occurs.

BE: Bliss and Emptiness

 A few weeks ago, I felt a fire burning in my heart area. It was incredible, I could take attachments and throw them consciously into the fire. Greed, gone! Jealousy, gone!

Today I felt a fire in my head areas. Mostly it was a blissful feeling of emptiness. Some thoughts popped to the surface, but they couldn’t make it past the fire. It was not a conscious decision to see them burn as it was the case in the burning heart chakra experience from the other day. Instead, it was that they were not relevant enough to slip past the fire.

 

When I had come back to the normal plane of consciousness it occurred to me that BE is a great acronym for Bliss and Emptiness. That’s what prevails when the fire of the crown chakra is burning—pure being.

You cannot reach for “That”

 “You still imagine that truth needs pointing at and telling you: 'Look, here is truth'. It is not so.

 

Truth is not the result of an effort, the end of a road.

It is here and now, in the very longing and the search for it.

 

It is nearer than the mind and the body, nearer than the sense 'I am'. You do not see it because you look too far away from yourself, outside your innermost being. You have objectified truth and insist on your standard proofs and tests, which apply only to things and thoughts.

 

Truth is not a reward for good behavior, nor a prize for passing some tests. It cannot be brought about. It is the primary, the unborn, the ancient source of all that is. You are eligible because you are. You need not merit truth. It is your own. Just stop running away by running after.

 

Stand still, be quiet.”

 

Nisargadatta Maharaj

 

Most of us spiritual travelers instinctively know that the higher energies always surround us, yet, sometimes we are carried by them while sometimes we are caught in our self identification. Can we then just drop everything and connect with “That”? Who is it exactly who is doing the dropping? Who is that looks for “That”?

 

Ramana Marashi encourages us to look for the interference when we feel disconnected instead: “Leave liberation alone. Is there bondage?

Know this. See yourself first and foremost.”

 

J. Krishnamurti expressed the same caution, Truth cannot be reached for: “The highest form of this energy, the apogee, is the state of mind when it has no idea, no thought, no sense of a direction or motive, that is pure energy. And that quality of energy cannot be sought after.”

Breaking free from the cycle of good and evil

 The notorious dark night of the soul episode that happens with the regularity of the full moon cycle or comes with an evening of heavy drinking is an honest feed-back mechanism of applying misunderstood ethical norms in all the so-perceived sober moments. When we finally let loose, it’s dead energy though. What feels like passion, and what feels like being alive, is just the movement of repressed emotions that had accumulated in the depth of our being.

 

You might now feel inclined to discriminate between spiritual passions to pursue and demonic passions to avoid, but that’s not how energy works. Actually, the Latin root of the word “passion” is suffering, but we no longer associate that meaning and understand passion as something positive. The German language actually spells it out “Leidenschaft”—creates (schafft) suffering (Leiden)—but still, the word association is something positive even in German. There is actually an English word that was created to express the serene energy “enthusiastic”—inspired by God—but we tend to use both expressions synonymously.

 

I am not recommending to let the suppressed but dead energy flow as it happens in the venting practice when it happens, but I would like to point out how useless the guilt trip is if you do end up with broken China on the floor after the venting exercise. You might as well feel guilty over being too good, too faithful, or whatever else resulted in the storing up of resentful repressed energy.

 

Breaking free from this cycle of good and evil, calm and destruction, is observation. Observe when the energy flows. Feel it, sense it, know it and see it in action. “Oh, look how Judging Judy shows up again!” “Here is the repressed energy that begs to be released.” It’s a neutral position just as Switzerland had it during the European wars, but not in form of “knowing” not to participate in the struggle of good and evil, but in feeling the presence of the conflicted energies and allowing them to move as they occur. “Feel the emotion but don’t act on it!” Is as happening, not a moral dictate. The “knowing” occurs as the energy is allowed to flow.

Just look!

 When you say, “I want this toast with peanut butter and jelly,” it might just be a natural reaction to being hungry in the morning and doing something constructive about it. You are likely satisfied for a few hours until your body demands nourishment again for lunch.

 

How is it then with the glass or two of wine in the evening to wind down a little from a stressful day? Maybe it’s just a pleasant recreational activity, or maybe there is more going on. Perhaps it’s a measure of escape; how will you find out where the drive to drink originates?

 

When you say, “I must not drink. It’s not good for my health.” You have two competing voices in your head. Neither are in touch with the true raw desire that hits when we pour the glass of wine, when we smell it; when we wonder if it is ok to have another glass or not.

 

The raw desire can be felt, experienced, known, at the moment it hits. We can literally climb into the basement where our subconscious drives originate and look at them without any conscious considerations at all. When fear or greed are observed as they emerge, they dissolve.

Let God’s Light shine on what’s important

 He who has the why to live for

can bear almost any how.

Friedrich Nietzsche

 

I lost ten pounds in recent weeks and managed to get into my old suit for my son’s high school graduation. Why did I manage this time with my New Year’s resolution—actually, there are still ten more to go by September—while in prior years I failed miserably? Was it stinginess or laziness not to buy a new suit? Was it pride not to accept that with middle age there is a little belly growing? Why do some people succeed spectacularly at what they do while others can’t get off their couch? Why do some superstars fizzle after some years while others keep going over generations?

 

I remember as a graduate student that failure was not an option. I put everything I had into my PhD studies while today I can’t “will” myself anything to do. Is that a good thing? Is that a spiritual thing? After all, without a “me” how can there be a “willing myself”? Is the lack of willpower not a spiritual upgrade but a congruence of inner conflicts? In the past I had a rule of thumb, my weight always dropped ten pounds when inner conflicts got resolved and I started moving again in the right direction. Spiritual living is being conflict-free, carried by the ruling energy. We do what needs to get done!

 

The transition is from focus to attention, from exclusion in order to gain to inclusion to allow God’s bounty to shine. “Failure” to accomplish something might just be a message to mind inner conflicts and encourage us to resolve them. God’s light shines brightly on the people and events that are worthwhile to embrace. It smiles, not strained faces, that tell us how to proceed. It’s a good night’s sleep that helps us to get a job well done, not by burning midnight oil. Friedrich Nietzsche’s “why” is God’s Kingdom, and the “how” is kind of obvious: God is doing everything for us. We show up for the ride!