Never Mind the Darkness, Carry On into the Light

He was a well-to-do investment banker and very attractive. He was a man who worked hard and played hard as well. The rest of the world, including his girlfriend, would have concluded that he had it all. Yet, he was in therapy, trying to figure out the meaning of his sexual fetish. For some strange reason, before he could have sex with his girlfriend, he had to masturbate to a video of two woman boxers beating each other up.(1)

What a weirdo you might say, yet his struggles are just a little out of the ordinary.  We all have a shadow personality, and the more time we spend searching for the light, the more likely we will find some dark corners in our soul. Shadow work is the willingness to look were few others would. Don't beat yourself up over your shadow and don't lose sleep over how to rid yourself of it. There is a part of the self that simply doesn't want to be dragged into the light. Ask what it wants from you. A spiritual path is a journey towards the light. When you satisfy your shadow's demands in a spiritually kosher way, you will be catapulted towards wholeness and holiness.

We spiritual path travelers perceive the world much differently than the ordinary folks would. Perhaps I can illustrate this observation with a different case study. A manager has a very capable and creative colleague, but her contributions, while useful to the firm they work for, is not essential to the group he is in charge of. So when hard times fall on the company and he is asked to cut personnel costs, he lets her go without blinking an eye. What is wrong with that, you might ask, isn't he just doing what he is asked to do? Well, when you are in charge of someone, know that you have the obligation to take care of this person to the best of your abilities. The manager could have picked up the phone reaching out to other groups. It might have been hard to do, it might not even have led to anything, but when it comes to people no effort should be spared. Sadly, our manager probably had no idea that he injured himself. Just because something is the norm doesn't mean that it is right.

So please don't mind if you have problems that the ordinary folks don't have. You most likely are a step ahead of everyone else. Being "normal" is not something to aspire for, being with God is. A shadow struggle is often the beginning of a spiritual journey. And that's the best thing that could ever happen to you.

Psychotherapy can help you in your soul searching process, but to find peace there has to be the spiritual dimension as well.  Consider the case of Gabor Mate (2) who treats addicts professionally, but whenever some pressure is building either at work or at home, he feels the need to go on expensive shopping binges for expensive classical CDs. Given that he is a therapist himself it was not hard for him to figure out what the origins of this irrational drive were, yet he felt as helpless as his patient when it came to the will-power to stop this craving. I remember thinking to myself that he shouldn't make a big deal out of his shopping addiction. It is what it is. What is required is a change in his life - work balance. Don't fight the symptoms of your imbalance, go after the root cause instead. Some longing of his soul must have been unfulfilled. And with that insight a magnificent soul searching journey starts.

Given that this website has found you, you are likely a spiritual traveler who has some "dark secret" like many of us. Well, consider yourself a step ahead of the well-respected manager who may not be able to profess a single dark secret, even though he may have just ill-treated a trusted friend in the name of corporate profitability. Never mind the darkness of your soul. It is just telling you that you are ready for a spiritual rebirth. You will have these dark episodes with as much certainty as the Caribbean is likely to experience a storm season this fall. Don't mind its idiosyncratic expression either. If anything, the weirder your hang-up, the higher your determination to become normal again. Well, in your search to become normal you will likely depart further and further from mainstream thinking. There is only one way to find your balance again and that is to find the Way - the Tao. By living in accordance with the demands of your soul you will take the wind out of the sails for your dark cravings. So never mind the darkness, carry on your journey into the light and your problems will fade naturally.

(1) Case study in Brett Kahr's "Who has been sleeping in your head."
(2) Gabor Mate, "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts"