It must have happened to you that you are not doing great, but still pretend to yourself and others that you are doing just fine. Why don't you try and see how it is just to be your real self instead. Similarly, we also don’t feel comfortable when someone shows her depression or unease when we are around, so somehow we have the urge to cheer her up. So it seems like we cannot accept any unhappiness in our relationship with others. Yet why don't you give it a try to accept reality as is. Perhaps you find that your rejection of the depression is really what provides the heaviness inside.
Christian was at the pediatrician with his son yesterday and had to admit to her that they never really use pain killers and fever reducers in their household. She smiled and said that the previous doctor she worked with always used to say, "fever is our friend." Yup, similarly, why don't we accept that the "tristesse" wants to communicate something to us. The Tao doesn't want us to carry the heaviness around, the Tao wants to give us little nudges to accept life as is and to induce adjustments to make changes. Most importantly, the Tao wants us to let go of stuff.
So next time when you are together with a friend who is not feeling great, try to be ok with that and see how easy both of you will suddenly feel. You can almost sense a big burden being lifted. Some of life's wounds take time to heal, so give everyone time to adjust and don't shun your friends in your interim. Acceptance is very liberating; just hang out with your friends, talk about what bothers you and see what happens. If everyone picks up a little weight, merriness and light-heartedness will return before you know it.
By Su Zhen and Christian
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