Melancholy - You Have a Choice

Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess, except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. (Harold S. Kushner in foreword of Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning")

I was reminded of this insight when I reflected on shadow experiences. Darkness is part of every spiritual traveler perhaps especially because we are aiming for the light;  the darkness reminds us of the fact that we are human like everyone else. Melancholy, restless energy, anger and fear visit us like every other mortal. Don't run away from these feelings. Just sit there, without judgment and without escape. If you engage, you have given power to it. But when you accept, when you have become one with that dark feeling without responding to it, the next divine spark will be just around the corner lifting you out of it. And your darkness dissolves as  the morning fog in the rising sun.

You have a choice. You don't own your feelings and you can't control your thoughts, but you are in charge in of how you react to them. Just sit there, accept, embrace, transcend and be free!

The Way through the Darkness and Fog

Watch people rise in their careers and fall again. See lovers fall first heads over heels and then out of love a couple of months later. Experience all that frolic, forced happiness and consequent sadness. That's what we do, or rather, that is what the ego does. The ego falls in love with something that is not real. If you follow that fellow, every up has to be followed by a down, just as every stumble will force you to get up again. None of that stuff is real and and sooner or later everyone will discover that for themselves.

At the Spiritual Networks community I am a member of, a woman once remarked that she has successfully cut all negative people out of her life; all but one, her son, who continues to annoy her. I advised her that she should look for the negativity inside, and told her that this is the only way to find harmony with the outside. Unfortunately this message wasn't quite as popular as the insight of someone else who argued that he had cut the ties with his annoying sister and that they both now live a much happier life. No, you can't cut out the "jerks". The world is a mirror; make peace with yourself and negativity will naturally leave. Some people will move on, while others will be literally reborn in front of your astonished eyes.

A spiritual path consists of cutting out all interferences along the Way. Most of these you will find inside of you. Along that journey you will meet that negativity, that restlessness, that desire to escape and you will be one with it. The monster in your head, as Eminem and Rhianna call it so accurately, is not real. It is a phantom that disappears like fog as you approach it, but you have to be willing to make your way through darkness and fog. Just follow the light, however dim it appears to you right now and the fog will dissolve naturally.

Let Melancholy be Your Life Coach

This human being is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all!
(Rumi)

Our negative emotions always have a message for us. Yet, most of us can't stand them. Millions of people are on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medication and pain killers, let alone the unbelievable amounts of coffee and alcohol we drink to charge ourselves up, or calm ourselves down. Have you ever entertained the idea of just taking in the negative emotion as the are, full-impact, without any attempt to mitigate or run away from them?

Just observe the wisdom that lies in these tensions bubbling up from deep inside of us. Maybe danger lies ahead, maybe disappointment, maybe something needs to be done about the situation you are in. Facing these negative emotions is hard, yet, by covering them up or by repressing them, we actually lose the opportunities to really understand what our body is trying to tell us. We may become numb and indifferent to what's going on and may take larger and larger doses to hide what is killing us inside. A recurrent, lingering emotion is trying to tell us something is not right in our life. If we don't dare to face it, we will never change course either. Melancholy is here to help us, not hurt us.

It is easy to get hooked on mood boosters or stimulants just because everyone is picking this - supposedly - easy way out. A spiritual path is different though. If you want to live in the magical world our gurus are describing you will also have to do your homework. A simple awareness of all the signals you are receiving from your inner voice is as crucial as responding to your brothers and sisters' messages in the real world with fullest attention. Trust us, you can handle whatever negative emotion is inside of you without artificial sweeteners. Life sometimes put a lot on our plate but never more than we can handle.

The true problem may not lie in the fact that these negative emotions that are coming our way are hard to handle. Most of the time it is about our dislike to follow the warnings of our inner voice. We don't want to change. It seems much simpler to pretend that we are happy instead. Yet a spiritual path is about change, it is about being in tune with everything that comes our way. Change is there to make us happy. Embrace it and remove your blocks to experience happiness in the process.

Watch and welcome all your emotions and a Guide will tell you what you need. It is a process, and unfortunately sometimes a painful one because you suddenly have to face the stored and accumulated homework of the past. Yet soon you will get a feel for all the messages your spiritual path has in store for you. Cooperate with the Way and fun, wisdom and harmony will be your travel companions. Let melancholy be your life coach just as all the happy messengers the Tao sends your way. Every voice needs to be respected and honored.

By Christian and Su Zhen

Embracing Tristesse

It must have happened to you that you are not doing great, but still pretend to yourself and others that you are doing just fine. Why don't you try and see how it is just to be your real self instead. Similarly, we also don’t feel comfortable when someone shows her depression or unease when we are around, so somehow we have the urge to cheer her up. So it seems like we cannot accept any unhappiness in our relationship with others. Yet why don't you give it a try to accept reality as is. Perhaps you find that your rejection of the depression is really what provides the heaviness inside.

Christian was at the pediatrician with his son yesterday and had to admit to her that they never really use pain killers and fever reducers in their household. She smiled and said that the previous doctor she worked with always used to say, "fever is our friend." Yup, similarly, why don't we accept that the "tristesse" wants to communicate something to us. The Tao doesn't want us to carry the heaviness around, the Tao wants to give us little nudges to accept life as is and to induce adjustments to make changes. Most importantly, the Tao wants us to let go of stuff.

So next time when you are together with a friend who is not feeling great, try to be ok with that and see how easy both of you will suddenly feel.  You can almost sense a big burden  being lifted. Some of life's wounds take time to heal, so give everyone time to adjust and don't shun your friends in your interim. Acceptance is very liberating; just hang out with your friends, talk about what bothers you and see what happens. If everyone picks up a little weight, merriness and light-heartedness will return before you know it.

By Su Zhen and Christian

When Two Paths Become One

There are two ways of doing things, you can be in tune with the Tao and effectively become Her instrument, or you can run after your ego's agenda. When you are in accordance with the Way, everything becomes effortless and you actually recharge yourself with all these activities. When you run after the demands of the "I", you certainly can feel exhilarated and exuberant, but you will also feel restless and anxious. Fear and depression will be your companion when you do it your way, just as peace and love will be wherever She walks.

Fact of the matter is that we always experience both states and there is nothing we can do about it. The desires of the "I" have to be respected, just as Her handwriting is always on the wall no matter how egotistic we might get.  Even if we tried, we couldn't block Her out completely. So keep on doing what you are doing until you have reached the blessed "been there, done that" state. With the "I" deflating, the Tao will take over naturally.

What you can do though while you are at it, be aware of everything that is happening to you. Following the Tao requires an inner and outer awareness. When you are deeply connected with what is, a Guide will tell you what to do moment by moment. The ego's agenda is washed away by the magic in the air. You don’t have any plan, yet your actions will be as straight-forward and purposeful as if they had been planned decades ahead.

In the same way, you can be aware of how everything feels once you are under the ego's spell. You tend to rush from action to action to accomplish your mission. Constraints become nuisances, people who stand in your way become your foes, just as partners in mission become friends. Below the layer of hunger for what you are eying is always a lingering fear that you might not get it, or that it might be taken way from you. Even once you get what you want, the more things pile up, the more you want. Sadly, the restlessness inside never goes away, and once you think that you are over the hill, is replaced by a depression.

Please don't make the mistake that you want to follow the Tao and that you want to say no to the demands of the "I". This is a mistake that our spiritual community often makes. Do not "want" anything, just observe! To connect with the Tao, all you have to do is to see the magic in life that is always there. It is just that most people can't see the gold lying on the ground because they are too busy running after what glitters on the horizon. Do not negate any of your desires, but please take a step back and look for the red threat on the ground. Once you see the Way, faced by Her beauty, the demands of the "I" will naturally fade into nothingness.

 Don't worry, what seems like duality is really just one. When you run after the demands of the "I" you also follow Her path, yet, you know it not and the fruits along the way are sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter. But once She takes you by the hand your journey becomes a conscious one instead. Restlessness turns into peace, passion into serenity and fear of the unknown into certainty. Follow us along the Way -  what choice do you have anyway.

By Christian and Su Zhen

Overcoming Negative Thinking

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on
(Daniel Powter, Bad Day)

What will you do when your energy is low and your negative thoughts are caught in an endless downward spiral? Don't fight them, just observe what is going on inside your head. Observation can liberate you from your bondage. Apply mindfulness to all areas of your life, the way you eat, the way you walk and talk, etc. If you become aware of  everything you do and everything that happens to you, you will develop the mind power and awareness to avoid negative mental spirals.

When you identify yourself with negative thoughts, the energy will be sucked right out of you and a vicious race to the bottom starts. The good news is, the longer you travel a spiritual path the easier it will get for you to avoid episodes like that. You will recognize the positive signs of your support system and you raise yourself up the same way an experienced rock climber would. You will also learn over and over again that a beautiful rainbow follows each and every rainstorm. Being a Tao traveler means that you do as the situation demands, not as your fickle head tells you to. If you give your mind full reign you will have to expect a volatile life. Whatever the mind comes up with is true at the moment: when you think life is wonderful, it is true and if you think life is a torture, it is also true.

Follow the Tao and She will show you the way to happiness despite yourself. Being mindful implies that you can always step out of the movie plot. You don't get too serious about the role you play in life. Mindful living gives you the tools to see the Tao in action no matter what. You know that wherever She walks there is perfect sanity and peace of mind. Just step outside of your mind and see for yourself that everything is perfect as is.

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

(U2, Beautiful Day)

By Christian and Su Zhen

Deflating Pain Bodies

An active pain body is just like a never ending dark cloud that stands between you and the divine sunshine. At that moment you know that the sun is still there but it doesn't help you. You just can't feel it.   When your pain body is active, you basically relive your past pain. Suddenly, your perception of the world and the people around you is distorted.  Every event and everyone you meet is colored by your dark thoughts.  You are not able to love at this moment because you are too occupied by your pain and you think that love is withdrawn from you.  You pity yourself and temporarily identify yourself with the idea that you are not loved.  Your heart is bitter and you are depressed.

How can you be happy if you identify with the idea that no one loves you?  You mistake the lack of love as the  truth and see this world with a bitter perspective.  You temporarily forget that you are love and live in distress. Essentially, this is a description of the ego. Your drive to go out and conquer the world -  whether is is the hunt for pleasure, power, profit or prestige - acts like a filter between you and the real world. You are seeking externally and becomes restless in the process.  You lose your glow and charm, as well as the patience to recognize love in others. And if someone or something hurts you in your external search all hell breaks loose and you can't see the sunshine no more.

 But time heals and when the activated pain body retreats again you realize that everything was just a dream. We spiritual travelers are not really any different than you. The one advantage we have perhaps, we have spent more time in the blazing sun so that we become more sensitive to the gathering cloud formation. As you recognize that a pain body has been activated you are willing to take a deep look at the monsters below the surface. And once you understand that literally every feeling of unease is a perceived lack of love, the problem is almost solved. In your saner moments you know that love is always with you. So just remind yourself of this fact hard though as it seems to accept during your darker moments.

So once you recognize a pain body inside of you has been triggered, take a deep look at your thoughts and the accompanying feelings. Understand the perceived lack of love in the situation and you will be able to awake from this bad dream.  You don’t really need to do anything.  All you need to do is just being mindful. Experience the pain, listen to the complaints and zoom into the love that always surrounds you. God will lead you out of it. Trust your inner light and She will steer you in love's direction.

 These nightmares may still come from time to time,  but after you have lived through them a few times consciously it does become so much easier for you to snap out of it.   Life planted these little psychological cuts in the past and they grew below the surface into something much bigger. It is time now to bring the ship into the harbor and as you do, all these monsters will go away. Always remind yourself that you are love and that you have everything already. As you do, see how the need for external searching is deflating in you.  If you have perfect love, where do you need to go?  What else do you need to get?  What goal do you need to achieve?  You already know who you are and as you reach that stage you realize that you have everything already.  God takes good care of you and you are love. What can the ego do now after you have reached that realization?

From Christian and Su Zhen

Let the Tao Lead You Out of It

When we are suffering, it is very easy for us to identify with our pain and we think that we will never get out of this depression again. How can it be that people take their lives voluntarily - they identify with their suffering and just want to stop this torture once and for all. When you identify with your suffering, you become heavy right away. You may have spent most of your time in happiness, but the rough patch is so overpowering that you presume it will never ever go away. When you identify with something, you give power to it. Whenever you focus on your pain, you will give this dark energy room to expand.

Please try to look at a bigger picture when you suddenly feel trapped by the situation you are facing. Remember when this happened to you before, you always managed to climb out of the hole again. Why should it be any different this time around? Pay attention to your coworkers, friends and family members. They also go through phases like you, so you are definitely not alone. Try to visualize the moments of joy in your life. As you do, as you recall the happy memories, you take energy away from your current misery. Spend time with the people who are meaningful to you instead. We know that this is hard to do at a time when you suffer, but you if you let them, your friends will help you to get out of this darkness. As you open up to their presence you are withdrawing energy from your suffering and you stop identifying with your pain. The Tao is here to help you. Like a tow-truck, life will pull you out of this mud if you just let it.

Life is a cycle. Your suffering is a repeat of previous patterns, lingering pain-bodies that need to be brought out in the open so that the light can shine the darkness away. So in a weird way, even these periods are here to help you to grow spiritually. By opening up to them you can let go of ballast and you will feel so much lighter afterwards. Face this down-phase in your life, don't try to escape from it and while opening up to its pain, don't let the negative energy linger. Life is here for you to pull you up. You can experience for yourself that with every destructive cycle the seeds for your renaissance are already being sown. Perhaps today is a good time to remind yourself of all the blessings that you do have in your life. See for yourself that the Tao is already knocking on your door and the next up-cycle is ready to start.

Miraculously, if you look at your current situation from a different perspective, if you start look at the bright side instead, if you remember all the other turn-arounds that you already have lived through, a world of healing is opening up to you. This is because you no longer give energy to your suffering, but you shift your energy to your blessings and your opportunities instead. Life is not out to get you. Life is here to heal and help you climb out of the hole that you have dug for yourself. It is you who needs to let go of accumulated pain-bodies. You have set yourself up to fall into this hole, but life has already devised a plan to let your current situation be a jumping board to reach the next spiritual level. Shift your attention towards life, hold on to it tightly like a treasure, and life will move you forward again.

Remind yourself of who you are. You are a Child of God as are all your soul siblings who suffer with you. The Source where we are all coming from consists of pure light and no darkness can exist there. Don't be fooled by the suffering that you experience or observe. Remind yourself of where we are all coming from and where we all are going. Heaven on earth is ours to experience. No matter how deep the pain might be right now, Heaven is always ours to embrace. Visualize life as a river. You can temporarily hold on to a branch if you feel you need to recover from a painful landing at a river-bed. But the moment you let go, the flow of life will carry you forward and you will be thankful for it. So please open your mind and your eyes to the now and let the flow of life - the Tao - move you and your loved ones forward towards the magnificent ocean.

By Christian and Su Zhen

Winter Blues

They say that just a day or two ago, people in New England experienced the point of maximum depression coming from the cold weather, the lack of light and the outlook that this season will still not be over before April. With depression comes fatigue and exhaustion. No matter how creative you tend to be, when you are exhausted your imagination also shuts down. What can we do about it?

The advantage of the Tao traveler is that we learn that we have to accept every experience with awareness. When you experience the feeling of exhaustion, experience how much you resent it. Become aware how you either want to sleep it off or drown it out with coffee or other stimulants. We try to run away from this feeling and this attempt to escape ends becomes our limitation.

When you are tired you feel overwhelmed by all the things you have to do. The list seems endless, you feel rushed and just as you are doing things, the anticipation of the next tasks that lie ahead zap your focus and concentration. A vicious cycle gets going. The more you give in to your anxiety, the less focused you become and the more tasks will pile up.

If you truly accept the situation you are in, if you don't run away from it, you will experience how your "consciousness" will stream in and envelop you. This experience is different from coffee kicking in, you feel serene instead of passionate, but the stress fades and you suddenly have the confidence that you can finish everything with ease. Your consciousness will determine the quality of your life. When you are connected to your power source you have the confidence that you can handle everything that comes your way. You can do everything at your own will and at your own speed. You have limitless time, just because you operate in God's realm. Where God is, time disappears.

They say "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going". Similarly, when you experience exhaustion with consciousness, your tiredness dissolves in front of your astonished eyes. You feel that you are infused with endless energy and inspirations. A Tao traveler has a limitless energy source directly to tap into. This energy has infinite creative ideas and inspirations; this energy also has tremendous healing power. When you are connected to this power you can see your limitations melt away. Reconnect with your magical powers, what better day could there be than a cold and dreary winter day!

By Christian and Su Zhen

Melancholy

The Holy Spirit sees the world as a teaching device for bringing you home.
(A Course in Miracles)

There is a promise in the spiritual literature that is pretty universal: peace is always yours if only you so choose. Maybe, maybe not would be my experience instead. We have set ourselves up to participate in a movie plot that allows us to advance to the next spiritual level. But the catch is, only understanding a concept intellectually doesn't cut it, you have to feel it in your bones as well. And you can only do that if you have lived through your fears, your ambitions, your disappointments and your peak experiences. Every depression you experience is followed by an orgasmic high and vice versa. You can try to reduce the fluctuations a little by insight, experience and conscientious living, but wishing your melancholy away unfortunately implies that you wish your spiritual progress away as well.

Joseph Schumpeter  had a similar insight in the area of economics. He argued that you need recessions to clear up the excesses of the previous boom to hand over the resources to the more entrepreneurial people at a lower cost so that they could start over again. So the fluctuations necessitate economic growth very much as your dark clouds set you up for the psychological break-through followed by the enthusiastic and perhaps slightly manic phase that gives you a glimpse at the heavens above.

This is your movie, it is conscious but it is also subconscious. You have a job to do that not always will feel good, but it will get you places both psychologically and spiritually. Accept your melancholy and understand it too has its spiritual purpose. Don't resist life, embrace it, the tears as well as the joys.  Before you know it you will be home.

Spiritual Turmoil

The other day I was watching the song 'Mary did you Know' on YouTube and the video showed scenes from 'The Passion of the Christ'. I couldn't watch it, it was just too heavy for me to see the Son of God humiliated that way. Unfortunately, the scenes are probably quite realistic. All the historic evidence suggest that the man Jesus  died a painful death, while the divine Christ rose on Eastern Sunday and when He rose all the tortures of the past were nothing but a faint memory. Why, I ask, do we humans need to undergo mental turmoil to advance to the next spiritual level? Is it really the karmic debt that we carry around, and did the Christ want to shoulder some of ours? Did Jesus the man just chose wrongly, did he misunderstood the signals of the Tao (His Father)?

 I have no answers to any of the questions, but I do observe that there is a lot of emotional turmoil in our spiritual community. Many spiritual path travelers face emotional upheaval, especially these days. Keep the faith my friend, the dark times somehow prepare you for your next spiritual break-through. As it is written in Psalm 23' "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, You are with me." And it is then followed by "Surely your goodness and love will follow me and the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Who Am I? (Continued)

What exactly is a depression - isn't it the collapse of the 'I'? I know how hard it is to get out of your bed in the morning when all you see is crumbled walls, dust and darkness. Yet, like the Phoenix rises from the ashes, this breakdown of old structures can be a new beginning. The foundations of your new structures are there, and if you remove the fallen walls you will see them. You are the One who is hidden behind the artificial 'I'. Don't bewail the fallen structures, but look for the hidden gems in the dust instead. You will find them.

Breakdown or Break-through?

Every break-trough is a break-down of old structures. Crumbling walls, a blanket of dust is part of the process. A spiritual path is a dismantling process of what you think you are and given that you more likely than not resist this process, you have to let others do the job for you. Sure, you will have to reposition yourself as the damage unfolds since the message of the break-down just happens to be that the old ways lead into nowhere. The clues will be coming, so don't worry if you feel lost and confused. Up, up and away my friend. It is all good!

Melancholy

Boston was covered by clouds yesterday, and I just felt it in my bones that my day would be a challenging one. I felt the demon rising in me, but these days I manage to keep him in check effortlessly. Work was a bit more challenging than usual, two doctor visits with the children on the same day didn't help either, but in the end pots of coffee carried me through the day. At home, when I read William James' "The Varieties of Spiritual Experiences", the entire chapter was on depressions. I had to smile, apparently the Tao set me up for all this to better appreciate this chapter. No, on a spiritual path, the low of the depression never gets you with full force because deep down inside you know that the sun will be shining again and the birds will be chirping.