Tainted Love

She grew up in a poor family.  Her parents worked very hard to support her and her siblings, but both her parents had very limited education and had never learned from their parents how to handle their emotions. Giving their children a proper education took a lot out of both of them.  So it was no wonder they fought with each other regularly.

 Her father in particular suffered from low self-esteem. His natural response was to work very hard to prove himself.  Unfortunately, his only measure of success was money.  So he worked day and night, and pushed his family to the limit to prove to the world that he was successful.  With this motivation in mind, he didn’t give his families a minute to take a rest. Sometimes he appeared to them like a slave-driver; his wife suffered especially.

Everyone who is treated like a slave grows resentment. The fights with his wife grew more intense over the years. Her father also experienced fear attacks. Deep down inside he believed that one loved him.  People with this belief set tend to be aggressive and angry. Their behavior cries out,  “How come you don’t love me!!!!! You owe me!!!!! “” Love me!!!!!” Who can blame his wife for hating him, but she stuck it out for her children's sake. With anger emanating from both of them, there was just no peace in the family.

Only a long time after did the girl realize that she had subconsciously taken over the anger from her mother. Completely unbeknown to her she suffered from a general uneasiness towards the men who were dear to her. There were fights and break-ups with her boyfriends, but she thought that everyone goes through that kind of stuff. Only when she ended up in regular fights with her husband did she realize that something was just not right.

Her husband treated her from day one like a precious pearl. He was always ready to accommodate her needs and rarely said anything to hurt her. He surrendered his love to her and loved her with all his heart. Still, her reckless behavior has put their relationship at risk.  She must have hurt him a million times.  She even threatened to leave him whenever they had different opinions. Just like her father before she lost her temper easily.

 Yet during all these fights she could perceive - almost like seeing something though a fog - how much she loves him. As she threatens to leave him she felt exactly the same pain as he did. Whatever she ended up doing to him came back to her with the same - or even heightened - intensity. She always felt that they are one no matter whether they fought or loved each other passionately. So one day she just decided to heal their relationship by confronting her past.

She bowed to her mother's fate. She disposed of her anger towards men as best as possible. She decided to come clean with yang energy for all her meaningful male relationships. Like every shadow work it is work in progress, but she now communicates much better with the opposite sex. More than that, she even managed to get in touch with her own yang energy.

The title of this note is an oxymoron. Love cannot be tainted, you either experience it or you don't. What you can learn though is to get rid of interferences that stand in love's way. That is exactly what the woman in our example managed to do. We all have to do the homework that our parents couldn't finish themselves. But once we face it we can stop this intergenerational chain once and for all so that our children can experience love just as God created it.

By Christian and Su Zhen