Emotions: The Missing Link

Shatter every window 'til it's blown away.

'Til there's nothing left standing,

nothing left of yesterday.

Every tear-soaked whisked memory

blown away. Blown away!

(Carrie Underwood, Blown Away)

Buddha once stated the perhaps obvious, "The good deeds, do them, the bad, avoid them!" Righteous living is demanded by all faiths. Lord Krishna tells Arjun in the Bhagavad Gita that "he should lift up the self by the Self, and not sink into the selfish; for the self is the only friend of the Self, and its only foe." And then, of course, there was Jesus who simply stated "Get thee behind me satan!" when he was tempted to play with supernatural powers in his 40 days desert stay.

We spiritual travelers mostly know what to do because it is somehow obvious. Sure, sometimes we have to do what seems not so kosher at the first because the Way lets us know that nothing is quite as easy as it seems. But eventually we all travel the same holy pathway and meet at the same beautiful location. No, the true challenge of returning Home is the process of letting go emotionally. Stuff that has been swept under the carpet for decades, perhaps for even for lifetimes. Stuff that we projected or repressed. Fears that we are finally willing to confront, anger we are willing to admit to ourselves; guilt we release and temptations we are willing to face. It is an emotional process and no guru can help us with that personal and painful journey. We have to get it out of the system all by ourselves. 

When all the stuff comes to the surface it really hurts; it really blinds you and it tempts you to do stuff that you know is not right. When you reach this point you at least have to let the steam out. The trick is not to accumulate new karma in your interactions with others, but as far as the stuff below the surface is concerned, you have to let it come to the surface, ugly as it is. Find ways to let go. Make faces, scream, cry, do kick-boxing; allow some little dark symbols in your life from time to time. The tortured girl in Carrie's song unfortunately seems to have reached the end of a road; she believes that there is "not enough rain in Oklahoma to wash the sins away". Yes there is! There is always a way to let go. Just allow your emotions to flow and everything will work out in time.

One

How do you do respond to someone who is angry, sad, or full of negative energy? It turns out that your response largely depends on the way you deal with your own negative emotions.  If you tend to repress your negative emotions and deny their existence, you will most likely struggle with other people's negative emotions as well.

 If you learn to acknowledge your negative emotions, if you have learned to accept them, perhaps even tried to understand them, you will be at ease to deal with people who are in a negative emotional state. You will not get pulled down by them and you will not try to stop them either. Instead, you will let them release their emotions and just be there for them. You take the negative energy in just like the ocean accepts all the rivers, polluted or clean. Before you know it, things will resolve naturally and peacefully.

Coping with emotions, being open to emotions, and even digging up repressed emotions, is not an easy thing to do, but it is something that we can learn to master. The Tao - and the world - is here to help you. See your angry bother as a reflection of something that hurts inside. And see your sad sister as a symbol of one of your own suppressed emotion. We are one.  If we learn to treat people’s emotion as our own emotions, there is nothing really to do but to let the emotion express itself. Don't resist it and it will be gone before you know it.

Flipping Radio Stations

As many of you know, I am a positive thinker. Sure, I acknowledge it when the shit hits the fan and also don't consider myself too kosher to jump right in and clean it up. Yet when it comes to the outlook, my focus zooms immediately into the blue sky no matter whether it is raining or cloudy at the moment. That's what my spiritual journey has taught me. Get a blank piece of paper, sketch out a world you want to live in and it is in your will-power to get the job done - as long as you are willing to pay the price.

Some of you may also know that the lyrics of songs on the radio talk to me. So frequently when either the tune of a song or its lyrics didn't quite feel right, I used to flip channels until I found a better one. However, one fine day my six year old son remarked while we were driving, "Papa, you are switching the songs too often." Wow, these words hit me like a sledge hammer. Sure, I will still switch when the tune of a song doesn't talk to me, but I am now thinking twice before I change a song only because its message is an inconvenient one. After a conversation with my friend Su Zhen I understood what was going on: you can be a positive thinker as much as you want, but unless you acknowledge the negative sentiments that are floating inside of you, the Tao will have to remind you of what's really going on.

Today was an example in that direction. When I left for school with the boys, Miley Cyrus's Wrecking Ball was playing. Normally I would always switch this song even though its tune immediately caught me. To see that beautiful woman sitting naked on a wrecking ball, crashing into walls is just a little too much for me. Yet, immediately when I turned on the car, my son started singing along so there was little I could do about it. After I had dropped off the kids at school the song was playing again and guess what, I turned up the volume and just accepted whatever sentiment there was in me. Get the frictio

Powered by the Ego, Guided by the Tao

I'm getting sick and tired of doing anything half-way.
(Knute Rockne)

Chances are you have figured out by now that the biggest professional upside comes to you when you are afraid of doing it. It is ok to be afraid, it is not ok to let it stand in your way to accomplish the mission you were born to do. Just as Susan Jeffers advises in her same-titled book, "Just feel the fear and do it anyway".

There may be anger in you about some unexpected development or about someone who told you something you didn't want to hear. It is ok to feel this anger but focus into the solution of the problem that presents itself instead. Similarly, discover why your so-called foe is in fact a friend in disguise. Zoom into a symbol that displays his love and everything will turn-out alright.

The desire to miscreate maybe inside of you. Understand what this creation would stand for and figure out its consequence. It is ok to have the desire to deviate from the spiritual path, but first you have to understand that this is what you end up doing, and second, realize that no one, not even the robot inside of you, can force you to do it. Choose not to do what you desire and than channel your energy onto the Way.

Tao travelers are not any different than the guy next door. We have the same fears, share the same frustrations and also have not-so-kosher desires. But different from everybody else we see a red threat on the path that guides our next steps. Along the Way nothing is done half-way, everything is done in a kosher way, and truly everyone benefits along the Tao. The best of all world has the drive of the ego and the direction of the Way.

Tainted Love

She grew up in a poor family.  Her parents worked very hard to support her and her siblings, but both her parents had very limited education and had never learned from their parents how to handle their emotions. Giving their children a proper education took a lot out of both of them.  So it was no wonder they fought with each other regularly.

 Her father in particular suffered from low self-esteem. His natural response was to work very hard to prove himself.  Unfortunately, his only measure of success was money.  So he worked day and night, and pushed his family to the limit to prove to the world that he was successful.  With this motivation in mind, he didn’t give his families a minute to take a rest. Sometimes he appeared to them like a slave-driver; his wife suffered especially.

Everyone who is treated like a slave grows resentment. The fights with his wife grew more intense over the years. Her father also experienced fear attacks. Deep down inside he believed that one loved him.  People with this belief set tend to be aggressive and angry. Their behavior cries out,  “How come you don’t love me!!!!! You owe me!!!!! “” Love me!!!!!” Who can blame his wife for hating him, but she stuck it out for her children's sake. With anger emanating from both of them, there was just no peace in the family.

Only a long time after did the girl realize that she had subconsciously taken over the anger from her mother. Completely unbeknown to her she suffered from a general uneasiness towards the men who were dear to her. There were fights and break-ups with her boyfriends, but she thought that everyone goes through that kind of stuff. Only when she ended up in regular fights with her husband did she realize that something was just not right.

Her husband treated her from day one like a precious pearl. He was always ready to accommodate her needs and rarely said anything to hurt her. He surrendered his love to her and loved her with all his heart. Still, her reckless behavior has put their relationship at risk.  She must have hurt him a million times.  She even threatened to leave him whenever they had different opinions. Just like her father before she lost her temper easily.

 Yet during all these fights she could perceive - almost like seeing something though a fog - how much she loves him. As she threatens to leave him she felt exactly the same pain as he did. Whatever she ended up doing to him came back to her with the same - or even heightened - intensity. She always felt that they are one no matter whether they fought or loved each other passionately. So one day she just decided to heal their relationship by confronting her past.

She bowed to her mother's fate. She disposed of her anger towards men as best as possible. She decided to come clean with yang energy for all her meaningful male relationships. Like every shadow work it is work in progress, but she now communicates much better with the opposite sex. More than that, she even managed to get in touch with her own yang energy.

The title of this note is an oxymoron. Love cannot be tainted, you either experience it or you don't. What you can learn though is to get rid of interferences that stand in love's way. That is exactly what the woman in our example managed to do. We all have to do the homework that our parents couldn't finish themselves. But once we face it we can stop this intergenerational chain once and for all so that our children can experience love just as God created it.

By Christian and Su Zhen

The Spotless Mirror

In this world you can become a spotless mirror, in which the Holiness of your Creator shines from you to all around you.
(A Course in Miracle)

Does it really make sense to be mad at yourself? I know that it is possible but does it really make sense? After all, when you made the mistake you now regret you gave it all just as you are now giving it all. Nothing could have been done about it so why to be upset?

If you agree with me up to this point you have the priceless opportunity to let go of disappointments, regrets and anger all at once. It turns out that other people who upset you, mislead you and attack you are nothing but the mirror image of your own internal struggles. So if they just display your inner realities why on earth would you be upset or disappointed?

The world is a mirror image of your inner realities. This is not spiritual talk but a fact that you can find out for yourself when you study the environment you are in and yourself carefully. Whenever there is lack of peace on the outside, find the lack on the inside; remove it and all the problems will vanish momentarily.

You can't let go of the "I" but you can spot interferences along the Way. Remove those and become the spotless mirror that you are born to be. Peace, joy and love are yours always - share your treasure with the world.

On Turbulence and Peace

The Self cannot be pierced by weapons or burned by fire;
water cannot wet it, nor can the wind dry it.
It is everlasting and it is infinite,
standing on the motionless foundations of eternity.
The Self is unmanifested, beyond all thought, beyond all change.
(Lord Krishna, Bhagavad Gita)

Have you ever contemplated why you can't experience love, joy and peace on a permanent basis? Sure, you have your fair share of it, but unfortunately there is also chaos, stress and loneliness. It is because we experience life on the surface. Beneath it lies our everlasting Self; completely calm, loving and peaceful, untouched by the turbulence of life. A spiritual path is all about finding that divine connection to your inner Core.

Compare your life to an ocean and imagine your Self at the bottom of it. On the surface, your life fluctuates dramatically in tune with your external environment. Sometimes there is sunshine and no wind at all, sometimes it is raining and stormy and on occasions hurricanes are passing by. It is hard to imagine at those moments that there is complete calmness at the bottom at the ocean. Spiritual path travelers get glimpses of this peace, while still being caught in the turmoil of life on other occasions. Walking the Tao gives you this chance to dive to the depth of the ocean and experience this eternal peace and love no matter what.

The Tao shows you the connections of everything there is. Very much as all parents know that their children are extensions of themselves, it dawns on the spiritual path traveler that we are all one. Love abounds in this world and anger becomes pretty meaningless. As you experience anger and violence in others, you observe it in yourself. As you see sacrifice, you understand its meaning. Hurricanes can be tolerated and withstood if you understand that they set the stage for beautiful sunshine afterwards. Let the Tao show you how to connect with that eternal calmness, love and peace inside of you. It is like watching the movement of the water a few meters below the surface and while seeing the turbulence above, being connected at the same time with the eternal peace below. Externally, you are moving with the flow of the unfolding situation, while internally you are unmoved just like in the center of the ocean. Peace and love is always yours to have when you reach that stage. Let the Tao show you this divine connection.

By Christian and Su Zhen

The Power of Intentions

There is no miracle you cannot do if you desire healing.
A Course in Miracles

Did it ever occur to you that your attitude towards people and a situation determines how they will interact with you? Say you are visiting a new country and already at the immigration office you discover hostility. Perhaps the immigration officer had a bad day, but it affects you, unconsciously bad vibrations start building inside of you and hardly have you reached the hotel that you are bound to pick a fight with the hotel staff and your partner.

Every place has an energy field and every encounter with others creates one. It turns out that your attitude towards that encounter matters a lot. You can be a polluter of this space, your bad vibrations can literally pull others down with it, or you can be a healer. A Japanese scientist ran an experiment when he took pictures of water as he played different music and consciously displayed different emotions. Believe it not, but these water pictures reflected the scientist's attitudes right back and it turns out that the water picture taken when the scientist experienced love was by far the most beautiful.

You may then ask what to do with this observation. Well, from now on visualize your intent of a place or a meeting beforehand and just see what happens. Yes, you can be a healer of a situation but you also have to learn how to detox yourself when you have been exposed to a polluted environment. You can be a healer, you can be a bearer of light. The magic is to discover that your environment interacts with you. The Universe just mirrors your own intentions back to you. When you wholly desire healing, love will be wherever you are.

By Christian and Su Zhen

Anger Management

Anger is a very powerful energy. Most of us use it in a very destructive way. A lot of people are killed every year just because the anger has reached a boiling point at which you just loose control. Have you ever observed in yourself what exactly triggers your anger?

There are many reasons why we lose our temper. An important one is that we feel that we are not loved. Everyone wants to be loved, everyone want to be listened to and cared for, everyone longs for acceptance from others. There is so much suppressed and sometimes open hostility between family members because family is the place where we know it is our birthright to be love. When this authentic need is being violated frustrations build until one day you are going to explode.

Anger is a very negative energy that builds up over time. In your day to day interactions with friends, colleagues and strangers something in you might be triggered and then steam suddenly bursts out into the open. How can we be aware of this destructive energy building up in us and release it in an acceptable, or perhaps even a constructive way? Accumulating your anger energy is not good for anyone, the longer you repress it, the more destructive it becomes. It is always much easier to deal with this energy when it is in the early stages. Mother Sage has suggested in the Spiritual Networks community that you can release your anger on a weekly basis. She recommended hitting a pillow or screaming in a running car where no one can hear you. When Christian was a student, some of his colleagues were screaming out of their dorm windows during exam time just to let off some steam. At work, several of his stressed colleagues practice power work-outs or kick-boxing. Whatever works for you, try to get all the frustrations out of you.

Observing yourself when you get angry is another very potent method to deal with it. For example you may observe how you lose your temper whenever you are tired and your children put demands on you. Afterwards you will feel guilty just because the children didn't really do anything wrong. See for yourself that just observing anger in motion can be very therapeutic and reduce its impact on you because you decide not to get carried away by it.

Once you monitor your own anger rising and falling, it is so much easier to see the same phenomenon in others. With this understanding forgiveness is so much easier. A spiritual path is really mindful living, that is, learning to be aware of anything that is happening in you and others. With this understanding you will find that your anger energy will get triggered less and less. You will also better understand how to deal with people and treat them with the care and respect that they deserve.

They say don't let a good crisis go waste. The same holds true for anger. Experience this emotion, negative as it is, fully and then transcend it. There is only one true emotion along the path and that is love. Everything else you can experience as a transient shock to the system that soon gets digested and released like bad food typically is. You can in fact manage your anger no matter what your circumstances are, please try it.

By Christian and Su Zhen

Unlocking Your Heart

Have you ever had that experience that you really care about someone, but that you couldn't really love the other person naturally. It was almost as if your love was blocked by something. In our daily life, we all encounter these situations that we are mad or disappointed about the persons we care about. But we tell ourselves that we are not supposed to feel mad at our loved ones, that we are supposed to have that love feeling all the time.

It is your mind in action again. Wherever your mind is, it will try to control and manipulate the direction of your psychic energy. Once you agree with what your mind is thinking, you will try to either repress or re-direct your energy flow. In this case your energy flow will get stuck.

Yes, you won’t lose your temper with your loved ones, but at the same time, the love feeling is stuck behind the anger energy which is stored up. This is the reason why even though you do care about the person, you cannot access that natural flow of love.

Vent out your anger, let it come out consciously. You don’t have to lose your temper and scream at your loved ones, but if you can feel that anger rising in you, release it consciously somewhere else. Find a time and space when you can be alone and scream; use all your strength, release all that anger in you.

After a couple minutes, you will probably feel very sad. Cry as much as you can. Release all the frustration you have built over time. You can even feel that tremble from deep inside. If you really tune into your emotions, you can suddenly understand what you are crying about. At that moment you will realize that you feel deep love towards the people who are in your life.

Always allow your emotions to flow. It is true what they say that there is only one true emotion and that is love. But in order to experience it you have to allow a perfect energy flow inside yourself. Just practice whatever works for you - shouting, crying or kick-boxing. Let it all out and enjoy pure love!

By Su Zhen

Anger

I believe in our connectedness since I have been able to experience for myself that I can send energy vibrations to people and immediately observe a reaction in them. When I see deflated people in front of me I can send them energy to help them get going; when I see worries I can transmit peace of mind and temporarily alleviate their situation. If they lack courage, I can mentally bolster their confidence. Yet, there are many stages when I cannot and should not intervene. When you see arrogance on people's face, when you see anger and contempt there is nothing I can do about the situation. This is their choice, what should I do, override it or mitigate it? All these forces are of the ego. The ego's drive has to be respected and has to be worked out. Only when these forces are deflated in the ever-lasting battle with life, you as a healer have a chance to intervene. So next time when you are aware of any anger towards someone or when you feel arrogance creeping up in you, please understand that you are hurting yourself and that you are deviating from the Tao. The good news, you have the ability to heal yourself here and now. Let the emotion rise in you, digest it and then shake it off by reminding yourself of a positive aspect about the person or the situation instead.