Hotel California

Last thing I remember, I was
running for the door.
I had to find the passage back
to the place I was before.
"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
but you can never leave!"
(Hotel California, The Eagles)

They say once an addict, always an addict. For the record, I am not an addict. Never was and never will be. Yet, I can resonate with that feeling of being stuck to some dark feelings. In the olden days when the AOL and MSN adult only communities were still going strong, I enjoyed exchanging sexual fantasies with other folks. Nothing ever happened other than talking with other folks who wanted to take a mental trip to the "wild side". I considered myself a "liberated European" without moral hang-ups, so I actually didn't have a problem with my behavior at all. But when my spiritual awakening process started, I knew that I had to change course.

Many years have passed since, and I have put this all behind me. Not because I am suddenly so proper, but for the simple reason that I learned the hard way that these sex fantasies caused havoc with my spiritual path. But having turned my back to it doesn't mean that I am completely free from it either. Give me a stressful day at work, a sleepless night and the pull of the full moon and all of the old cravings come back. Today, however, I just ignore them. Gone are the days when I got drunk and used pornography to let off some steam on these dark nights of the soul. So my will-power and determination has simply gone up to make a conscious end to all of this, but the feeling of restlessness and of emptiness may never completely vanish. I just accept it. When I wake up once in a Blue Moon at 2 am with these dark feelings, I just write; I listen to music, or interact with the folks in Australia, Europe and the few American night owls within the Spiritual Networks community. And after a day or two, the dark feeling is simply gone. So today I just accept the dark energy that flows through me, and live through some old karma without accumulating new baggage. That's all really. 

The shadow process of saying good-bye to all these compulsive habits lasted a few years. It has to be a process because you have to learn what the demon wants to tell you. For me it was the realization that I was born a lion even though I was raised a lamb. I also realized that I have to honor the desire to be celebrated even though my super-ego tells me to be humble. The shadow images were so different from what I felt I was all about. My demon held up the mirror for me and together we crafted the guy we both like. Along this rocky road I learned to get in touch with my suppressed feelings and I had to learn how to express myself and how to stand up for myself at work. That process of becoming a more empowered human being is still going on. It is a process and it is often painful to override life-long habits - but every day I show up at work and do my best to change. This is how you beat an addiction or a compulsive habit in the end, by overriding the underlying psychological problem. I have a hunch that when I look back in a few years, many of the inner conflicts I am dealing with will be a distant memory.

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way", is the beginning sentence of Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. The same with the shadow process! Some people drink too much, some people love too much, and some starve themselves to death. It doesn't matter what the imbalance on the surface might be, beneath it, there is always a lingering psychological home-work that one hasn't yet done. But the empowering message of each shadow dance is that the demon with the grotesque facial expression has a beautiful message for you once you are willing to look closely. If you struggle with some compulsive habits, use the opportunity to become that wholesome self that you were born to be.

This process of empowerment is mostly behind me and I can honestly tell you that I love what I see in the mirror these days. It turned out that all these thoughts came to me when someone shared the Gypsy King's version of Hotel California in the Spiritual Network community. Who would have thought that this sad song can sound so upbeat:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xUZpoogW_40

(Gypsy King's version of Hotel California on youTube)

Truth and Falsehood

Any belief
which places
a limit on LOVE

is a
definitive
falsehood.

(davidWELLENS, Spiritual Networks)

It is possible to comprehend and feel the Way; just as it is possible to be misled by our mind or our feelings in life's complicated wheeling and dealing. Also, sometimes heart and mind disagree about what step to take next. Go inward in this case, for the solution to choose LOVE is always at your disposal. Get quiet then, for the ANSWER always lies within. You may now ask, how exactly does one know what is TRUTH? Well, just follow LOVE, for that's God's handwriting. Just as davidWELLENS puts it so well, whoever or whatever places a limit on LOVE definitely misses a step along the Way. 

On Sharing Spiritual Wisdom along the Way

Wisdom cannot be imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else ... Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. One can find it, live it, do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it.” 

― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

In the Spiritual Networks community I am part of there is one woman in particular who spends half her time telling everyone that she is love impersonated and the happiest person alive, and half of the time describing how she has to tell others that they haven't discovered the light and how she has the duty to lecture them, and how upset they get with her.

I can resonate with her because I used to do the same when I was a bit younger. Yet spirituality isn't that way at all. The Way will tell you what you need to know when you are ready. There never is any violence or tension along the Way. I now wait patiently for my opportunity to say something, and if this opportunity never comes along, so be it.

Something else has changed in me. Now I perceive no urgency whatsoever to share what I feel works for my friend. When I say what I feel I have to say I of course hope that my friend will see it that way too, but if he for some reason gets mad with me then so be it too. I somehow feel indifferent about the whole thing. I am just Her instrument; the Way always knows what works best for everyone. 

Sex and Spirituality: A Survey

Every mind blowing orgasm is spiritual: 3 responses

Sex is spiritual if you express love: 9 responses

Only have sex with your spouse/life partner: 3 responses

Sex distracts from finding God: 0 responses

I started this poll in the Spiritual Networks community as a follow up to an earlier poll that I had seen and that, quite frankly, put me off a little. The question was whether bisexuality is a sin and while most respondents concluded that it wasn't, the survey nevertheless left the impression that sex wasn't supposed to be just for fun. So when I posted these four questions, most agreed that sex is spiritual as long as it is an expression of love. Three out of 15 respondents had the more conservative attitude, arguing that you should only have sex with your life partner (all three were women). Three other respondents were on the other side of the spectrum, arguing that every good orgasm is spiritual, independent of who you have it with.

In the sex is fun category, I especially liked a comment of one participant, defining s-e-x as a "synergetic energy exchange", to which someone else added s-e-x-i-e-r, "synergetic energy exchange in ecstatic release". In fact, she added that she is always happy to share this feeling with "All There Is" :)

Some added that sex can certainly be an expression of lack of love, but it doesn't have to come to that. One woman added the deep insight that men are likely afraid deep down that they cannot have multiple orgasms like the women which explains the subconscious drive for debasement, aggression and lack of love that is often expressed in pornography.

I was actually little surprised that no one went with the fourth option, that sex is a hindrance for finding God. I have met celibates in the Spiritual Network before, but not of these views were expressed when I asked this time around. Overall this survey was perhaps yet another reminder that for 10 spiritual travelers that could well be twelve spiritual paths. In fact, one women said that she would have voted for all four options if multiple answers were a possibility. 

Discover Love in Everything

 

A few days a couple of writers distributed this chart in slightly different forms in the Spiritual Networks community. One claimed it was taken from the Judeo-Christian framework while the other claimed it was Taoism. Unfortunately we spiritual travelers often only see a hierarchy in this concept. We look down on the desires of the body; we at best tolerate the longings of the soul; and we run after that illusive Self that somehow has to be realized. We believe that we can will ourselves to God but mostly discover that life doesn't quite work that way.

The way of the Tao is to experience the yin and yang of life without getting lost in it. Every moment is an opportunity to see and experience what truly is and not what appears to be. Our body was given to us to experience the divine Matrix and to discover our Self. Life is tailored perfectly so that we can express the longings of our soul. Emotions come and go; some point the Way while others are distracting.Thoughts sometimes pollute us, and sometimes bring beautiful insights. The longings of the body are sometimes in the Way and sometimes are the Way.

Our will can be used to cut out interferences. Actually, when you experience the Way you don't have to will a thing, everything is magically connected and taken care of. Along the Way we have a natural interplay of body, soul and Self. There are times when we see the Christ in our interactions; there are times when we see the divine Mother and there are also times when we merge with our divine Lover. Body, soul and Self can be in holy communion every step of the Way and this communion can certainly include sex. Writes Osho, "Tantra loves, and loves unconditionally. It never says no to anything whatsoever, because everything is part of the whole. And everything has its own place in the whole and the whole cannot exist with anything missing from it." 

Discover love in everything - realize your Self with your body and soul!

Peace

Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God.
(A Course in Miracles)

The other day I asked in the Spiritual Networks community the question whether there is a dark force at work that wants to keep us from God, or whether our perceived God-separation is just based on our own illusions. The majority of the spiritual travelers thought that there was a dark force at play, but the thoughtful commentary made me realize that the answer to this question doesn't really matter that much.

You probably remember Jesus's story of how he resisted three temptations in the desert. He experienced a dark force and just ignored it. Buddha experienced the battle between good and evil as well and just kept meditating until the theater dissolved into nothingness. The philosophy of the Tao traveler is to interact with life. Our premise is that peace and love is always ours to choose no matter what. We don't engage in the battle of good and evil either.

Whether the ego is deliberately leading us astray or not, each time when we feel separated from God, a battle between "good" and "bad" will be brewing; whenever we perceive that we are "here", but want to be "there", a voice will pop up reminding us that we are fooling ourselves. Say, we discover that we are greedy, competitive or horny, but look for God's peace and love instead. The moment you feel disconnected from the Way, a dialogue will be raging inside.

Just step out of it! You can can avoid the yin and yang of spirituality every step of the Way. If greedy thoughts pop up, let's ask whether there are some authentic desires that we don't grant ourselves. If they are, work on those instead. When competition enters our mind, let's contemplate the cooperative solution. And if lust overcomes us, we can always ask whether love is nearby. Step out of the battle between good and evil. Peace is always yours to choose; that's the promise of your Creator.

The Journey Towards Wholeness

The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are. The second greatest is being happy with what you find.
(Quote from Spiritual Networks)

There are times when we are greedy, there are times when we are selfish and there are times when we are horny. We are human, period. Sure, we can aspire to be divine, to be all-loving and as innocent as children. However, fact of the matter remains that we still will be "here", contemplating how it would be if we were "there". And that's typically where the problem starts. There is a voice inside of us that beats us up if yet again we failed to be "there".

Accept these feelings inside just as they they are. Naturally, that doesn't mean you should take advantage of someone in order to advance professionally. It also doesn't mean that you need to stuff your face when you are hungry, or cheat on your soul mate when you have the opportunity to do so. All your acts can remain as spiritual conscious as they have always been, but still acknowledge the fire that burns inside; otherwise you are overlooking something on your journey towards wholeness.

I remember an interesting "aha moment" when I was in graduate school. I was playing a card game with my room-mate who was quite competitive. I remember becoming quite intense myself and always asked myself, "Why exactly is that? This is only a stupid card game!" I always blamed my competitive room-mate for igniting this reaction in me, but truth of the matter is that my interaction with her should have told me already then what I know today: a lion hides in that sheep that I had perceived. Today I see my life's mission in finding that wholesome personality that represents all aspects of my being. Just as it is described in the Garden of Eden, the lion lies peacefully next to the lamb.

Life makes you whole. Spirituality provides you with the mission statement but it is life that gets you there. Acknowledge all your inner tensions and do something creative and beautiful with it. This is the promise of your a Creator: suffering is meaningless; no matter what your conflicts, drives and desires may be, a door will always opens up for you designed to fulfill all your authentic needs. Life is here to show you who you truly are, and make you whole.

Perhaps the problem statement can be summed up that way: you have been on a quest towards holiness and minded all those reminders that you are human. Yet, when you look back and reflect on your past, you probably find that you have been on a subconscious journey towards wholeness all this time. Make it a conscious one by going after your authentic needs and discover that holiness is always near-by.

On Spirituality and Sex

We ran an interesting poll in the community, Spiritual Networks. The question read, "Does Spiritual Awakening Strengthen or Weaken the Sex Drive?" Some 40 people participated and told us about their experiences. For those who participated in the on-line survey, the majority felt it was strengthening the drive (10 people), whereas 6 reported an unchanged drive. No-one voted for weaken, though in the commentary a couple reported a lower sex drive, at least temporarily.

Sex is a complicated issue for us spiritual folks. So many things are coming together, our biological drives, our longings to express love physically, the hostile stance of most religions vis-a-vis sex, and the different sexual experience of men and women.

The reason for posting this question was the idea that a spiritual path is all about activating and intensifying the movement of energy up our spine which has its root in the sexual organs. It stands to reason that as the chakras open up, at least initially, you would experience the sex drive more intensely.

Actually, the commentary was all over the place. We had a few respondents who reported being sexual abstinent to intensify the spiritual experience. Some reported that the drive was the same, but that the actual sexual experience was so much more intensive as you suddenly activate higher energy frequencies in the sexual union.

A few respondents pointed out that the answer to that question very much depended on your starting point of your spiritual journey; others conjectured that whatever you experience is very much a function of your own belief system.

There seemed broad agreement that sex can be used to experience the highest feeling of unity and love, and it can be exploited by your ego to send you on a meaningless pleasure trip. The different experience of women and men also was briefly discussed; someone pointed out that the restrictive religious rules over the millennia were all male dominated. Perhaps it is a good time now for a refreshing female perspective :)

So where does it leave us? Well, chances are you just cannot sideline your sex drive as many gurus advocate. Suffering is meaningless. If your body and soul tell you to explore your sexual drive then you probably should do exactly that. Express yourself, experiment, but don't lose your Self in this bodily experience either. Expressing yourself sexually is the same spiritual mission statement as everything else about your life: your spiritual path is unique and the Tao will let you know what mission life has in store for you  - don't be surprised if a few lessons take place in the bedroom as well :)

Anger Management

Anger is a very powerful energy. Most of us use it in a very destructive way. A lot of people are killed every year just because the anger has reached a boiling point at which you just loose control. Have you ever observed in yourself what exactly triggers your anger?

There are many reasons why we lose our temper. An important one is that we feel that we are not loved. Everyone wants to be loved, everyone want to be listened to and cared for, everyone longs for acceptance from others. There is so much suppressed and sometimes open hostility between family members because family is the place where we know it is our birthright to be love. When this authentic need is being violated frustrations build until one day you are going to explode.

Anger is a very negative energy that builds up over time. In your day to day interactions with friends, colleagues and strangers something in you might be triggered and then steam suddenly bursts out into the open. How can we be aware of this destructive energy building up in us and release it in an acceptable, or perhaps even a constructive way? Accumulating your anger energy is not good for anyone, the longer you repress it, the more destructive it becomes. It is always much easier to deal with this energy when it is in the early stages. Mother Sage has suggested in the Spiritual Networks community that you can release your anger on a weekly basis. She recommended hitting a pillow or screaming in a running car where no one can hear you. When Christian was a student, some of his colleagues were screaming out of their dorm windows during exam time just to let off some steam. At work, several of his stressed colleagues practice power work-outs or kick-boxing. Whatever works for you, try to get all the frustrations out of you.

Observing yourself when you get angry is another very potent method to deal with it. For example you may observe how you lose your temper whenever you are tired and your children put demands on you. Afterwards you will feel guilty just because the children didn't really do anything wrong. See for yourself that just observing anger in motion can be very therapeutic and reduce its impact on you because you decide not to get carried away by it.

Once you monitor your own anger rising and falling, it is so much easier to see the same phenomenon in others. With this understanding forgiveness is so much easier. A spiritual path is really mindful living, that is, learning to be aware of anything that is happening in you and others. With this understanding you will find that your anger energy will get triggered less and less. You will also better understand how to deal with people and treat them with the care and respect that they deserve.

They say don't let a good crisis go waste. The same holds true for anger. Experience this emotion, negative as it is, fully and then transcend it. There is only one true emotion along the path and that is love. Everything else you can experience as a transient shock to the system that soon gets digested and released like bad food typically is. You can in fact manage your anger no matter what your circumstances are, please try it.

By Christian and Su Zhen