She cannot take any stress and craves a slow-paced life style. She loves free time and lets her mind wander aimlessly. She cannot handle a jam-packed schedule and hates loud noises. Only relaxing music is allowed in her place. She hates anxious behavior and rejects any fast-paced environment. She always assumed she was born with that craving for peace. If you asked her why she prefers to live her life that way she would probably tell you that this peace-loving lifestyle reflects her spiritual development.
Since she was little, she had been frequently selected to represent her school in different competitions, like field and track, spelling bee, writing, etc. Strangely though, she never lived up to either her own and other people's expectations. She never won though she had always been very good at many of these disciplines when the pressure wasn't on.
One day the answer came to her when she was meditating. She would never have accepted this for herself but it appears like she had an abusive childhood. Her father always resorted to violence when he faced problematic situations. She was always scared to death whenever he lost his temper. It seemed to her that he world ended when his father exploded. After experiencing many violent scenes she decided it was safer to just shut down in those situations. Her mind always became blank and her body trembled. The strategy worked; somehow whenever she escaped in that safety mode her father's punishments escaped her.
It appears the rescue mode just carried into her adult life as well. It all makes so much sense in hindsight. Now that she has discovered the pattern she has to discover the power to break free. It takes one success at a time, the ability to forgive and a lot of will-power. Aren't we all in some ways like her?
By Christian and Su Zhen
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