Painful Lessons along the Way

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
(Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities)

The process of awakening is an amazing experience. Many of us try to describe the unbelievable feelings of connectedness, love, light and bliss. Yet, it is a little harder to describe the feeling of alienation along the Way that unfortunately is also part of it. Battles of the mind when questions run through your head like, "Have I gone insane?" Associated with it is fear, confusion and periods of unbelievable pain. Yet we never really talk about this stuff because all these "attacks" are fleeting and entirely self-imposed. If you have nothing good to say, why say it, right?

The trick is to make this period of confusion as short and possible as you can. It is certainly in your power to do so. God's messengers are always walking next to you; it is just for brief moments that you are raising a wall between you and them. Life is here to remind you of what your mission is and life's painful symbols of separation and alienation will be sent your way if you disconnect from the divine Way. It is a "shock and awe" strategy that not a vengeful God has come up with, but that is entirely of your own doing. My understanding is that time shrinks for us spiritual travelers. The cause and effect of our actions that others experience over years and decades, we experience with the force of a laser. And when the bad stuff happens, it unfortunately really, really hurts.

You don't have a choice in finishing this journey - you signed yourself up for this holy mission eons ago - so please get it done with as soon as possible. You probably have experienced this sentiment by now, it is as if a program kicks in that is simply beyond you. Just as Whitney Houston expressed in her song "I Have Nothing", you observe:

I don't really need to look very much further,
I don't wanna have to go where You don't follow.
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside,
can't run from my Self,
there's nowhere to hide.
(Whitney Houston, I Have Nothing; my edits)

I remember a painful period in my professional life that lasted about seven years. Strange, I remember fatigue, anger, and some pain, but I do not remember the intensity of pain that I lived through during the turbulent times of my awakening process. The Course in Miracles has a convincing explanation for this fact: "To you who have acknowledged the Call of your Redeemer, the strain of not responding to His Call seems to be greater than before. This is not so. Before, you blamed someone else." That's indeed it! Along the Way you do not blame anyone for your misery. On occasions the temptation is there, but over and over you are reminded not to attack your mirror image. No, you take it all in with full force and it really, really hurts if you miss a step along the Way.

Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing" is one of the most meaningful spiritual songs ever written even though few people would probably perceive it quite that way. Again, you hear Whitney's pain when she screams:

Don't make me close one more door,
I don't wanna hurt anymore.
Stay in my arms if You dare,
or must I imagine You there?
Don't walk away from me...
I have nothing, nothing, nothing,
If I don't have You, You
If I don't have You, oh, ooh, ooh.
(Whitney Houston, I Have Nothing, my edits)

Pain is unfortunately part of the homecoming journey. The pain of separation is simply too hard to bear so you cannot help but take the last step across the bridge. And when you are finally "there" that emotional roller-coaster is nothing but a faint memory. I hope this note doesn't scare or discourage you - it shouldn't! Even if you occasionally miss a beat in the divine song, you will always conclude with Dickens, "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times."