When we grow up, our parents, teachers, or any other meaningful adults reward us for our good behavior, and punish us or discourage us when we display a so-called bad behavior. Our feelings and actions are shaped by their expectations, yet if deep down inside we might disagree with some of their value judgements, a subconscious split opens up. We become the "good" me and hide the "dark" me below the surface.
We express our socially accepted behavior to win people’s respect, acceptance, and love; and we subconsciously repress any behavior which is labeled as "bad" only to watch helplessly how it pops out on a full moon's night. When we are adults ourselves, a life-long battle with bitter-sweet emotions opens up.
We now understand how harmful it is to push our expectations - or worse, our inherited expectations - on anyone else. We cannot just love half of a person and reject the other half. We now understand that if we can only love a person because he meets our standards or expectations, it is not love at all. When we truly love, we love him unconditionally. Everyone who has children knows instinctively that no matter what, we will always love them unconditionally. If we are spiritually quite advanced, we can even extend this insight to our spouse, a few close friends and ourselves.
If you are a spiritual traveler and just "will" yourself to love unconditionally then you make the same mistake as your elders before. Try insight instead of will-power. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and we all make mistakes. Reflect on your situation and start seeing your Self in others and unconditional love will come naturally to you. True forgiveness and appreciation is an insight not a spiritual mandate.
By Christian and Su Zhen
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