Why are we entangled with someone? Most of the time we are in committed relationship because they are somehow meaningful to us. Especially family relations are essentially soul-agreements that have been agreed on long before we were born. Our spouse we choose somehow, though a lot of this decision happens subconsciously. Our children we can't really do anything about; their character we simply have to accept, and our in-laws we have to live with more or less as well. Colleagues are often hard to avoid if you care for the company you work for, and our best friends may change on us over the years.
We may not feel acknowledged or loved in some of these relationships, so we feel somehow stuck with them. Of course, we could lose our patience, and often we do. Yet, this entanglement only tells how much we need to work on ourselves. If these relationships are inescapable anyhow, how does it help us if we add fuel to the fire by lashing out at them? If changing the other person doesn't seem possible, we might as well work on ourselves instead.
Just remember, everybody and everything is here for a reason. And given that we hate making changes, the hardest problems are often presented to us by the people we cannot run away from. So sit down and reflect on your situation. What change does this annoying confrontation want from you? Is it really a good idea to quit a job or friendship, or a relationship that is meaningful to your wife or your children? Meditate on it. Perhaps you can find a change that will be a golden middle for all parties involved.
When we work on ourselves, we suddenly can break free of the entire confrontation. Now our attention is no longer on that person. And because of this switch of attention, suddenly, all the wasted energy comes back to us. With this energy boost we even find a new direction for our troubled relationship. Observe yourself in every interaction; suddenly, you realize that everyone is here to set you free. Why don't you go today and thank the trouble spot in your life for helping you find the Way!
By Christian and Su Zhen