Saturday, December 5, 2015

Two Hearts Beat in My Chest

I must have changed the password on my phone a thousand times, but our boys keep cracking the code. And to add salt to injury, they keep changing the images on the phone. I had everything on it from dogs and owls to cartoon characters; these days I even have two, one image before you log in, and one after you log in.

The other day I discovered the second image on my phone, the trade mark of Bayern Muenchen, the German soccer team. Actually, I never really liked that team when I was still in Germany; probably for the reason that they always beat up the team from my hometown, Berlin. But I guess all that doesn't matter any longer given that I left Germany a quarter of a century ago.

I figured our older boy downloaded it given that he is much more into sports. Our younger one downloaded Bugs Bunny instead. When I thought more about it I figured that each one found a symbol representing who they are. Our older boy is driven, a goal-getter, just like Bayern Muenchen. The younger one is more relaxed but equally determined once he gets going. I could literally see him munching his carrot as he casually asks the hunter, "what's up, doc?"

Each boy, just as each image, depicts a particular side of me. It was only recently that I discovered these two souls in me - the relaxed Zen guy was always there, but there is also a 
driven German. It took me a while to dig the more aggressive trait out given that my more "enlightened" soul tends looks down on him, but he definitely exists. Recognizing these two dimensions has been a break-through experience for me. But then, where exactly is the problem; there is a time to be aggressive just as there is a time to be the balanced Zen voice.

Goethe said in Faust, "Two souls live in my chest" and it was such a problem for him that he felt obliged to strike a deal with the devil. In my case it is quite simple really. My fate guided me towards my job as a financial strategist where it is my responsibility to be aggressive at times; but then, there are plenty of Zen moments at work as well, especially when I collaborate with others. My Zen voice also has plenty opportunities to shine in my spiritual writings, as the  regular reader of this blog knows. 

I thank our boys for bringing this point home to me so clearly with a couple of well-chosen phone avatars. My life has become so much more straight-forward for me since. Do you perhaps have any conflicts inside of you that you need to sort out as well?

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