She looks stunning, and she is smart. She graduated from a great university and holds a masters degree as well. But while everyone expected her to be successful, her professional life never really took off. But it didn't really matter. She married a good husband with a prestigious job, and has two teen-aged boys. She always has helpers in the house, and has lived in beautiful surroundings in a number of Cosmopolitan cities. In fact, outside of a couple of disappointed relatives, most of her friends admire her and are even a bit jealous.
Deep down inside she knew that something was off, but she could never quite put her finger on it. She looks calm and is witty and funny. On occasions she is glamorous. Given all that, she sometimes wonders why she never had an impressive career. Still, it seems not to be a big deal. She simply "sacrificed" her career for her children like many other impressive moms, right?
One day the answer came up to her. She has been constantly feeling anxious since she was a teenager. Sometimes, she felt like that this anxiety was driving her crazy. When she got this anxiety attack, she basically lost her ability to function in her daily life. She panicked, couldn’t focus and lost her chill.
Up to this point she was really scared of anxiety. To prevent anxious feelings to show up in her life, she meditates; she also simplifies her life whenever the going gets tough, and basically scales back her ambition whenever necessary. In order not to feel anxious, she focusses just on the basics. Her life carried on in this holding pattern for many years.
Then one morning the anxiety attacked her again. Just this time, she realized there was nothing to be scared of and she chose not to do her deep breath exercise and meditation that she would normally do in these situations. No, she just sat there and was one with this anxiety. With total presence and acceptance, suddenly, she realized that there was a toothless monster behind the nasty sensation, called fear. She was one with the monster and it deflated that instant.
Wow, what a relief - she is finally free!
By Su Zhen
By Su Zhen