I watched pornography on a sleepless night a while back. All my energy had been depleted by a trip around the world beforehand, and this period was also a time of wild financial market activities and political changes that wore me down. The "dark night of the soul" episode was my way to express all the destructive energy running through me. But then, I fell sick the next morning. Apparently, I had undermined my own immune system with this attack on my SELF. It was a strange malade, after a few hours of lying in bed and writing a few spiritual essays I was back to my old self. On that day I had a few meetings at work that others jumped in for, so it seemed like my little walk to the dark side didn't have much consequence.
One meeting was more of a catching up with a friend than actual work. I go on regular walks with this colleague once in a while just to catch up on life and things. Due to my sickness that day the meeting got rescheduled for a later week. When the day approached I really looked forward to our walk. It was a beautiful fall day and I hadn't seen my friend in a while. But when I tried to pick him up I saw him talking with a different colleague, so I went back to my office waiting for him. After a while I lost my patience and decided to catch up with a different colleague instead. While I was sitting in his office, the woman who had been talking to my friend "coincidently" saw me and informed me that my friend still wanted to go on our walk. But when I went to pick him him up yet another colleague had marched into his office and took up another 30 minutes of his time. Later that night my friend apologized for missing our walk, and that evening he fell sick himself.
All that is karma, you might say. We missed our first opportunity to meet because of my nightly escapade so it seems only fair that he misses the rescheduled meeting by giving preference to colleagues who needed his input that day. But I have a hunch that there is more to the story. My friend fell sick that night because these ad hoc meetings caused havoc on his already stressed immune system. I have always felt that in some weird spiritual way that we both heal each other by hanging out with each other. I titled this note "Oneness" because it seems as if our fate-lines are linked by some invisible thread.
My friend has to let go of his power games, whereas I have to step up my self-assertion at work. Together we are in fact whole, while on our own we both need healing. The one advantage we spiritual travelers have, we can see connections between people and events that few others would pick up on. I hope my friends figures out one day that the intrigues and power games are for him what is pornography for me, highly lethal energy fields.
When it comes to my own lesson, I have to take better care of myself. One lesson learned is to cut out these ambitious travel schedules, as I am no longer cut out for them. The other lesson is to cut out the conflicted energy I experience at work. The lure of sexual fantasies is a power game. Work is an excellent opportunity to express authentic power, so I might as well step it up a bit there. Or to put it more colloquially, when you feel something is missing in the bed room, make sure you are performing in the board-room at least.
Be aware how you express yourself, and how life interacts with you. We are all bound by "Oneness". We are all connected by an invisible thread, and we are all each other's mirror. What lessons has life in store for you?