I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone to feel like that.
When you feel like dying inside, wouldn't you become bolder on the outside just because you don't have anything to lose anymore? And if your stunt miraculously worked out, wouldn't you look back later at your point of struggle and figure that without it, the Phoenix would never have risen from the ashes?
When you are drawn to bdsm, could it be that you exert too much power in your day-to-day job? Or the opposite, that you don't live up to your own expectations? Could it be that you don't accept the feminine in you, or don't express enough of the manliness that wants to rise to the surface? Could it be a little of everything?
The Japanese have a saying that we have a persona at work, one at home, and one that we experience when we are alone. Isn't that the compensation at work? We somehow express all our tensions, desires and unowned traits in accordance with the environment we are in. How cool would it be if we could always be the same person, in our head, with our kids, in bed with our lover, at home, with our friends and strangers, and at work. Can it be done?