The unconscious mind stores all our experience, and directs us to act. (Sigmund Freud)
We are often influenced by energy without our awareness. Unbeknown to us we have subconscious drives, fears and desires, and are propelled by the energy of the situation we are in, or the people we are with. We are bumped around by forces seemingly outside of our control. We are puppets in a cosmic play until we awaken to our history, to our soul mission and the energy dynamics of the circle of life.
My autistic son gets anxious easily. When he gets anxious, I am pressured to respond quickly to his destructive behaviors. I am sucked into his emotional turbulence just as he might express a deeper emotional turmoil in myself that I used to understand nothing about. There were the days when this pressure lasted 24 hours, sometimes for multiple days. When you are thrown into a situation like that, you feel breathless and tortured.
The other day I had the most remarkable break-through guided by my spiritual mentor. I had a past life therapy. In the session I realized that I was put into a prison for a murder I didn’t commit. I was eventually hung to death in right front of the public after I was brutally tortured. The way I died created a big turbulence in my soul. You can imagine that I died with enormous hatred, stress, and strangled. This imbalance is still with me and it seeks expression.
I had not been aware that I had this dark spot on my soul, and my emotionally autistic son has activated in me. Finally, I am able to see that connection. I stressed people out, consciously or subconsciously, and they mirrored this turbulence back to me until I stressed myself out. Finally I am able to step out of this vicious cycle.
Today I am able to see the way my autistic son behaves just reflects the energy I am carrying with me. This energy wanted to resurface and express itself so that she can get healed. The job is done. There is no reason for her to linger. Thank you, my dear son, for this healing chance!
By Su Zhen