As a child I used to lie in bed at night with my pistols, playing a fantasy game of Indians and Cowboys. Of course, I was always the hero in it. I remember one day asking myself, "am I not a little too old to play these fantasy games?", I played them anyway until the day when I grew out of it.
Penis size is the ultimate phallus symbol. I remember hanging out with some of my student friends when one girl out of the sudden asked, "who here finds large penis sizes attractive?" No one spoke up. I remember thinking, that's an odd question but otherwise didn't have any feelings either way on the subject. Years later when I hung out in sexual chat rooms, or while watching pornography, I realized that size did act as a subconscious power symbol to me. Apparently I mistook muscles and magnum sizes as symbols of manliness. For some people they definitely are but I grew out of this fantasy as well. The women in my life taught me differently.
At work I always had the desire to be a maestro of my craft, a maven of financial market strategy of sorts. Also, in my spiritual journey I had the image of becoming a master at using synchronicity and reading the signs to be perfectly in tune with the environment I am in. Sure, I am good at what I do professionally, and I also have countless moments of spiritual connectedness that work in my favor. Today, however, I understand that the craving to be a maestro at work and a mystic master is misunderstood manliness as well.
Life just is. There is a time for success and a time for failure, a time for joy and a time for sadness. We spiritual travelers ride the wheel of life just like everyone else. Today I am a man! I am whole and I am traveling the WAY. A whole man has no need for phallus symbols or idols - the WAY renders them completely useless.