Believing is Seeing

When my spiritual journey opened up to me I realized that I had to give up some self-imposed interferences to enjoy the freedom of the WAY. I experienced so much pressure at work, and there was do much anger, fear and suppressed sexuality in me that I used pornography to let of some steam. Afterwards I sent myself on a guilt trip and promised to never do it again, only to find that the same cycle started during the next full moon night.

Then something unexpected happened. During a brief illness my son drew me a picture - something he rarely does - with the note "Get well, Papa" on it. Drawing doesn't come easily to him and it was hard to figure out what it was all about. Looking at it for a while, I saw a Christ figure blessing a child. I doubt that was what he had in mind when he drew it, but that was the image I saw that day anyway. My son was in pre-school then and he was pretty advanced in that he could already write sentences. Yet, one of the P in Papa was turned upside down. Given that the drawn picture was hard to make out, and intrigued by the upside down drawn P, I turned the picture around. The most amazing image appeared, the Christ figure turned into a phallus symbol and the child looked like a naked man in submission. It was the most amazing subconscious appeal to end the war of good and evil in me.

I have left the struggle of good and evil behind me a while ago. In the end I didn't have to appeal to the power of Christ but by simply realizing what these suppressed sexual images stand for and by doing something about it. So in a sense I managed to transcend the entire "Christ versus sin" theme and believe that everyone can do it. The beauty of a spiritual path is that we have the ability to see love, Christ and the Holy Ghost every step of the WAY. We don't need to appeal to a higher spiritual authority, we just see GOD's maya as is and end up making the choices.