I has been a stressful journey for a long time. I have goals that I want to achieve. I have concern about my kids. I want them to be independent, happy, and successful. With that in mind, I feel that I am in a pressure cooker. I seem to be unable to live an easy and relaxed life. The current status seems unacceptable. My autistic son needs to be more articulated and better behaved. He needs to make friends and join the community. My older son needs to be self-disciplined and go to a good college. I can’t relax unless they achieve these goals.
With these goals in mind, I am always under stress. I do not believe in myself, not in my children, let alone in God. I realized these faulty mind pattern one day, and suddenly relaxed. I have no place to go, have no goals to achieve. I am just here! Here and now is a perfect place and time for me to be. My sons are perfect children and they are achieving their best without my personal effort. I believe in them and in God. I have a journey to complete myself, and I will. Just be!
By Su Zhen
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