The Presents of Now

I knew Eckhart Tolle before he was famous. Thirteen years have passed since, and my ability to stay present has increased. However, from time to time, I still observe parts of myself resisting the present.


I observe that I frequently want to live somewhere else instead; I move to different countries regularly, and the process of assimilating the different local cultures, and building a new network of friends always makes me want to escape the present moment.  I observe that I complain a lot every time when I move to a new country.


I also open up to some emotions much more than to others; emotions like happiness, ecstasy, sadness, grief, pain, loneliness I deal with much better than some other emotions, like anxiety, panic, or being scared. I observe how I often try to repress these emotions by meditating, or simply trying to ignore them.


The trick I often use to escape to be present is being restless and by surfing the internet.  I realize that whenever I become restless, there must be some issues or emotions that I don’t want to face.  Often it is because I don’t know how to face these issues. I become restless so I don’t need to get in touch with my real feeling and address the real cause.  Surfing on the internet is the symptom when I become restless.


The interesting thing is, when you don’t strive to be in a particular state and just want to know what’s going on in yourself, you can see everything so clearly.  You can then see all the dirty tricks you play with yourself, and the secrets you want to keep.  However, the more you walk on this spiritual path, the more the Way lets us know when we are fooling ourselves. We don’t need to be saints; all we need to be is present!

By Su Zhen