When you meet your demon, serve him tea

This being is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness. Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all. Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, violently sweeping your house, emptying it of its furniture. Still, treat every guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
(Rumi, Guest House)

I grew up in Berlin, Germany and recall from my childhood days many cloudy, smog-filled days. When I came to the east coast of the US as a graduate student, living right next to the ocean in Providence, RI, I couldn’t believe how many blue sky days there were. I felt transformed. Light shone with an intensity I had never experienced before. As it turns out, I am a creature of the sun. Naturally I presumed the sun was spiritually ‘superior’ until I met my spiritual friend who loves thunderstorms. Eventually, it dawned on me that it is foolish prefer one over the other. Life requires sunshine and rain!


When it comes to our shadow side we don’t see it quite that way. We want to be upbeat and we hate being depressed. We want to love, not hate. We beat ourselves up if we experience greed, lust or jealousy. After all, don’t our spiritual masters tell us that we need to let go of our ego? If they can be loving, serene and self-less, why can’t we? Dealing with the shadow side in us is tricky. We naturally look down on our personality traits that are less kosher without realizing that the judging voice in our head is the same I institution that  we want to get rid of in the first place—the ego.


I had a big break-through moment when I read that black holes are effectively the glue that keeps the galaxies together. One the one hand you could argue that they are as ‘evil’ as it gets, sucking up everything like quicksand that comes near to them, objects, planets and even stars. Yet, without them galaxies like our Milky Way or nearby Andromeda wouldn’t exist. The article went even further than that. It argued that when Andromeda and Milky Way will collide one day, thanks to to black holes this event will be a merger of star-systems rather than one massive explosion.


Why can’t we think of all the ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ episodes similarly! The night when all the anger is bubbling to the surface; the fear, the aggression, the depression or the lust. We are naturally scared because we don’t want to be perceived as a werewolf, but all these grotesques looking faces are telling us that we need to be more honest with ourselves. There is something hidden in the dark corners of our Soul that we have to awaken to. Let the volcanic eruption happen, and don’t beat yourself up over it after it did. When the dust settles you have the clarity of mind to understand its message.

I once had a liberating dream. In it, a monster with demonic features was wrestling with me. He had my height, but had the muscles of a body builder. He was chasing me and threw me to the ground. Amazingly, I was not scared. With ease I could hold my ground and the calmer I got, the more agitated he became. I had met my demon and we were equals. Scary as this dream was, it was liberating in some way as it brought in the open conflicts that were previously hidden in the subconscious. I asked him what he wanted from me and his answer was ‘manliness, assertion and recognition’!

That is what is meant when we say ‘serve your demon tea’. It does not imply to act out the lust, the aggression, or to accept the depression and the fears. It simply means to shine the light on the dark corners of our Soul and discover why the longings look so grotesque on a drunk and lonely full-moon night. Just as the black-hole glues galaxies, wildfires sustain the giant Sequoia trees in California, and hurricanes refill the water supply on the east cost of the US, the perceived darkness inside also serves a higher purpose. I befriended my demon over the years, and we became allies and friends.


I was a financial market strategist around the time when the demon showed up. Assertion is something that comes with the job-description. When someone is buying and another is selling, it doesn't help either party to sit on the fence. Too long I tried to be diplomatic only to find that I upset everyone in the process. Being assertive doesn't preclude kindness. Just like removing a band-aide, simply get it done with. When investors got a straight-forward ‘yes’ or ‘no’ from me, it may have hurt for a moment if they were positioned differently, but later they would thank me it.

I spent years perfecting the lessons of the Way in a competitive business setting. There is amazing serenity and peace of mind in the present moment, even on the battle field of life. Kindness, assertion, defense, offense, and resting at the center of the circle watching the world spin. There is a natural response to every situation. The Germans have a saying, ‘no master ever fell from the sky’. Do no mind the occasional ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ episode. All it tells you that there are still more gems hidden in the depth of your being that require some searching and polishing.

It is ok to get a little scared and depressed when the demons come out on a full moon night, but realize that a priceless treasure awaits you if you are bold enough to face them. Spiritual Awakening is long spiral of births and deaths, a painful process of letting go of what no longer serves you. Awakening necessitates the ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ episodes, just as a galaxy of interconnected star systems require black holes. I can also attest that facing our demons had practical benefits. Meeting my demon catapulted me in my professional career as well. When you meet your demon, serve him tea.