Conflicted

If you seek the source of the mind, then alone all questions will be solved.
(Sri Ramana Maharshi)

At my old job as a strategist in the financial industry I had a tough inner conflict to deal with. Process-minded, and in charge of global strategy themes, I needed to establish a cooperative decision process involving all the regional experts. The problem was that at the company I worked for, the managers only paid lip-service to cooperation. At the end of the year only individual talent got rewarded. It was no surprise then that all experts became fiercely competitive and tried making a name for themselves instead of working together. Actually, I myself was torn between the desire for personal recognition and the satisfaction of promoting the joint insights of the team.


It took many years to build a process that everyone trusted. It was hard work, but it was also a spiritually rewarding exercise. I learned so much about what drives me, and what conflicts are lingering beneath the surface. I have graduated from the stressful financial industry in the meantime, but I didn’t really leave my inner conflicts behind. The challenge I am facing today is that I realize how absurd it is to strive for publicity in spirituality, yet that is exactly what a spiritual author and coach has to do. A new balance has to be struck and will be found, just as I did in my old job. In the meantime though, it is important to realize that peace of mind is at our disposal here and now.


In both presented problems, the imbalance lies within. It’s a conflict of the mind that can be resolved. The outer world adjusts when the inner war gets solved. How easy would it have been to find fault with my former colleagues. How easy it would be to beat myself up over the desire to be known and famous in the spiritual community. Yet, once we spot the inner conflicts we can solve them, often instantaneously. I hadn’t had the self-awareness I have today when I started my mission at my old job. These days I am smarter. I am happy to share the gospel of the Way and will certainly not mind if some kudos come my way.