I remember a time during graduate school when a friend watched me play a German card game with my room-mates. After watching me in action she said to me, ‘I have never seen you so competitive before. It was like watching another person’. I laughed her comment off at the time but later this memory became quite meaningful to me as I observed the different energies in me become more differentiated. As providence has it, I even have two names for them, Robert for the more competitive striving energy, and Christian for the more philosophical and caring energy.
Christian is my middle name which seemed the right one to pick when I started writing spiritual book and wanted to have a little privacy at the time when I was still working in the financial industry. Robert is the name my school friends and my former colleagues know me by. Isn’t it interesting that every name comes with an energy attached, subconsciously chosen by our parents already in anticipation of how we will most likely turn out to be. I will never forget how many years ago my spiritual friend said to me that she doesn’t feel that Christian energy in me. Well, I can assure you that my energy has changed. Christian—the spiritual philosopher—writes these notes. But then, when you work with me as a coach you have exposure to the Robert energy as well when I want to encourage you to make a change or get things done. Some of my spiritual friends call me CR which is also fine.
There was a time when I thought my striving energy was in conflict with my spiritual energy. Well, it is not, the lion and the lamb shall lie together once we are whole, but it takes a little soul searching to get to that stage. There certainly was a time when I appeared conflicted with occasional outburst of my competitive nature while generally be perceived as being too nice in an otherwise cutthroat business environment. Time has always been on my side though, and that’s how the quest for wholeness goes for everyone. Life encouraged me to groom both personality traits and the conflicts became fewer and fewer. In my old job I specialized in guiding a team of experts—the caring, cooperative Christian was in action—while also developing my laser-focused individual strategy voice that was appreciated by many in the firm.
The other day it occurred to me that these two personalities increasingly converge in my current role as writer and coach just as much. Christian is the creative voice and the connector in the spiritual community, not to mention the caring mentor who wants to build other people. Robert is the business person, the guy who tells people to get going on something. I feel uniquely positioned to help people overcome inner conflicts or shadow aspects because I had to go through the same grueling process to leave the inner war behind and become whole in the process.
Yin and yang, strive and serenity, power and purity, it’s all in you. I was blessed with my names Robert M. Christian who had all the building blocks of my personality. Think for a moment about your journey; can you give names to the different lingering energies including the ones you like to disown? Is there still an inner conflict that life encourages you to transcend? Are there character traits you effectively look down on? Wholeness is our birthright, bring all these energies to the surface and let life polish them for you. The Bible is right, power and purity are not in conflict, you just have to discover the Way.
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