Don't Confuse Mind Sex with Mind-Blowing Sex

To the ego's dark glasses you need but say " I will not look here because I know these images are not true."
A Course in Miracles

Have you ever observed how different "mind sex", the exploration of sexual fantasies is from actually having sex. When you have sex, your mind gets blown away by the dance of yin and yang energies. When you have mind sex instead, you think this is just letting off a little steam, but this is not so. Every fantasy is a castle of the ego and you are sent on a pleasure trip that takes you away from who you truly are. While sex is of God, mind sex leads is of the ego and thus leads you away from God - it is as simple as that.

It is of little use to condemn sexual fantasies, you would be condemning yourself that way. If you meet someone attractive and if you afterwards have steamy fantasies there is little you can do about it. What you can do though, don't engage in it, just let this energy come and go and then move on with your life. But if you have spent the night watching pornography and next day you get one sexual fantasy after the other, you very much can do something about it. Stop watching pornography!

Many spiritual leaders have described our brain as a garden. Once you let weed in, it spreads fast and you have to painfully pluck it out one by one. Recent neurological discoveries very much confirm this theory. As they say, what fires together wires together. After some excessive consumption of pornography don't be surprised if your first glance goes to the breasts of your potential soul sibling. You may not really have access to her soul after a pornography orgie. Sexual addicts often report that they need to use all their willpower not to view all women as sex objects. And experts of the video game Tetris report that they see three dimensional rectangles floating in real life as well after playing the game. We see in front of us what our mind engages in all day; it is as simple as that.

Pornography, at least the stuff that is geared towards the male audience, is a classic ego device. The camera zooms into body parts and not people; most of the images display a power game that the ego loves. As you watch the graphic images you see in fact a hostile act of body parts which is hardly a symbol for wholeness much in contrast to having sex with your soul partner. Also, as every consumer of hard-core porn can tell you, the further along you go on this pleasure trip, the darker the sexual images will become. Sex addicts will also tell you that if you go down this pleasure ride long enough you will discover a strange trance. Biologically, engaging with the dark side releases chemicals in your brain that can get addictive over time. Psychological and spiritually a lot more is going on: the further you go down the mind sex road the more dirt you will throw on love. It is the demon whispering in your ear, "Go to sleep my friend - just enjoy the joy ride!"

The more you engage in these imagination, the more inclined you think that this is who you are; the more power to give to the demon, the more steps you take away from God. Experience for yourself how fear creeps in whenever you give a little finger to your demon. You can stop this nightmare; find a way to disentangle yourself from it. Shadow work is a process, it is a journey towards understanding who you truly are deep down inside. These graphic images may be beneficial to learn something about yourself, but eventually you will have to give up all forms of mind sex. Where your sexual fantasies are, true love cannot be. A spiritual path is a journey towards the light and away from darkness. When you connect with the Tao you will only experience love and all dark symbols will naturally drop by the wayside. After you have walked down the dark alley for a while, after you have understood the appeal of the symbols that you have seen, the Tao will intervene and take you in a different direction for the simple reason that every additional step would just hurt you. You will know when you are ready to drop all that and then it will not be so hard to do.

Just imagine, do you really think you will have sex the way you fantasize right now? Do you really think you will perform these acts that you see in on the internet or in pornographic movies? Just observe yourself, whenever you are doing something that deep down inside tells you that you are throwing dirt on love - you can observe for yourself that you are being infused with a strange dark energy at this moment. In fact, this strange dark feeling can actually add to the sexual excitement and is even something you can get addicted to. It is perhaps obvious to say that for a spiritual path traveler this dark energy is a step away from God. Guilt will surely come your way as the force that first entices you to engage will later beat you up over it.

Forbidden acts have a strange sexual appeal. Writes Robert J. Stoeller in Observing the Erotic Imagination: "In perversion the desire to sin is essential for being turned on." True indeed! Many sex addicts report that the very contemplation of their taboo activity puts them in a strange trance. Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam in their book A Billion Wicked Thoughts suggest that our visceral nervous system is responsible for this. We are wired to release neurological chemicals during periods of extreme stress. In the olden days we had to be on the top of our game when we needed to decide whether to run from the bear or face him. Apparently we can be addicted to these chemicals but we have to keep exposing ourselves to darker and darker sexual symbols to get the same stimulus. That is how the road to addiction looks like. Like with all ego activities, our neurological processes and biological wiring are exploited psychologically and we convince ourselves - consciously or subconsciously -that we are sinning when we engage in these taboo acts. 

Don't beat yourself up over the way you are wired, the whole point of shadow work is to figure out why you respond the way you do. Traveling along the Tao is never about "good" or "bad", everything that comes your way becomes an eye-opening experience instead and this may include mind sex and pornography as well. A spiritual path is all about experiencing and understanding everything yourself. You cannot make a mistake really, all you can do is to delay your homecoming journey, but don't worry, the Tao will at every stage show you the way to the light.

It gets very hard to be on that discovery course if we don't have a partner to play and experiment with. Some people are without a significant other, while others might just be dissatisfied sexually in their relationship. When we can't express our sexual desires we are tempted with substitutes like prostitution or pornography. It is ok to be fascinated with these substitutes but you have to turn towards real life instead if you want to advance on your spiritual journey. Of course you deserve to have a significant other and of course you have the right to mind- blowing sex.

So go out and find sexual fulfillment. The Tao will cooperate with you. Sex is divine and it is beautiful if you manage to get in touch with this natural flow of life. Express this divine energy with the one you love. Whatever your soul partner is, sexual healing will just be around the corner. If occasionally you miss a beat and walk down a dark alley instead that is ok too, your soul partner will pull you right back onto the healing path. Have mind-blowing sex and observe for yourself how the ego's dark symbols fade into the background that way.

This note is part of "A Demon in the Bedroom" series. Please also look for
"Sex and Spirituality: The Dance of Yin and Yang" and

http://zeitgeistinma.blogspot.com/2013/03/sex-and-spirituality-dance-of-yin-and.html
"Sex, Love and Power"

http://zeitgeistinma.blogspot.com/2013/03/sex-love-and-power.html

By Christian and Su Zhen 

Sex, Love and Power

When the power of love replaces the love of power, (wo)man will be God

Our spiritual community has wrapped a big super ego around sex and given that many of us have encountered a "dark side" in the bedroom, we are somehow afraid that our spiritual leaders are right in their claim that sex stands in the way of experiencing God. This is not so. In fact, we very much have God's approval when it comes to sex. God says in Neale Walsch's Conversations with God " I am in every bedroom." Sex is the ultimate physical expression of love, yet, every path traveler will have to explore and make peace with this energy differently and will probably have to face a demon in the bedroom as well.

A demon has always something to teach us. He helps us getting in touch with our animal instincts and will show us the image that we have of ourself and of others deep down inside. Whenever power symbols appeal to us in the bedroom, changes are that we haven't yet claimed our authentic power base in other areas of our lives. So the demon can in fact show us who we truly are and by claiming our authentic power base elsewhere, we are finally free to discover sex as physical expression of our love.

When we just repress our animalistic drive, we will never understand what sex truly is. George Gurdjieff was an influential spiritual teacher who tried helping people wake up from their hypnotic "sleep walking", as he called it. He would get his disciples completely drunk and would then encourage them to reveal their true colors. For example, he would suddenly shout "rooster" at someone and his drunken disciple would spontaneously let out a loud "Cook-a-Doodle-Doo" while everyone would collapse on the floor roaring with laughter. This is just one way of shadow work when you openly admit to yourself and everyone who you think you are deep inside of you. Perhaps sex can be thought of as a similar eye-opening experience. Your fantasies and your bedroom partners activate a side of you that you normally don't have access to.

Shadow work is hardly a "card blance" for doing everything you fancy doing. You can discover for yourself that if you always do what you want to do, you will face many situations when you cut yourself off the divine energy. Shadow work is pretty straight-forward: do whatever your heart desires and observe how you feel in the process and what kind of energies you carry around in the aftermath. When you fully experience something and afterwards understand what it stands for, you have brought a subconscious drive to the surface. You now know what will happen if you engage in these behaviors, physically and spiritually.Try to understand the meaning of everything you do. Every action, every graphic image that you perceive is a symbol. Try to understand what it really implies for you personally and make your choice.

Sex permeates everything we do and are about so we have to bring this drive to the surface. You can see it so clearly how many dimensions are intersecting in this single desire: our genes, our upbringing, our neurological wiring, our psychology and spiritual norms. Biologically, there is no denying that we are all driven by the "selfish gene" that wants to propagate itself as it has been doing successfully for millions of years. We may aspire to be a monk but our ancestors haven't been monks since otherwise we wouldn't have been around. We have to accept our drives and have a great chance exploring and realizing who we really are and understand other people as well. Let's be happy with the drive that we have in us and be proud of the distance that we already have traveled.

Sex is divine energy. When you fall in love with someone you have that natural desire to have sex. It is an expression of intimacy. The dance of yin and yang, male and female, push and pull, is divine. Symbolically, we celebrate the divinity of our partner physically. During sex we can experience a glimpse of Oneness. Yin and yang merge literally during the act of ejaculation. During the orgasm, for a brief moment, you experience Samadhi, the union with God. With this oneness, you both are able to create like God.

There is spiritual beauty in the physical act of two bodies joining, but we should not lose sight of the darker aspects of sex. In fact, the shadow comes out at night especially if we only look at our bedroom in rose. Sex can also be a pure expression of power. The evolutionary biologists are right. Our body combines million of years of gene competition. Psychologically, pretty much everything about us is power hunger even though we certainly don't like to put it that way to ourselves.

Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam in their fascinating book A Billion Wicket Thoughts, analyze 400 million internet searches between 2009 and 2010. Do you know what the second most popular heterosexual sex interest was? It was Cuckold porn, the fantasy of being dominated in the bedroom by an alpha male who has sex with your partner while you watch helplessly. Interesting, isn't it?And can you guess what - by far - the most popular sex search was? It was Lolita sex, the fantasy of sexually robbing the innocence of a young girl. Dominated by stronger bodies while dominating weaker bodies in return; you can see the capriciousness of your ego - the power hunger - right here. The ego whispers in your ear that you lack the power to fully satisfy your partner, but it shows you the appeal of dominating weaker bodies and spirits to compensate for it.

You can tell from these researches that men lust after power in the bedroom with the fear of impotence as its mirror image. How easy it is to impress a young woman who doesn’t have any sexual experience. They feel empowered when they are able to dominate and satisfy their partner in bed. However, sweeping an experienced woman off her feet instead requires authentic power. The fear of impotence always lingers, but few men are willing to face it. By repressing it they grow more distant from their bedroom partners and the sex life is getting more disappointing for both sides. So men express their sexual frustrations with porn instead and rarely realize how different mind sex is from actually having sex. Mind sex in all forms is about power while earth-chattering sex is a physical expression of love.

Do not immediately condemn power and aggression when you see it. The whole point of shadow work is that you reflect on what exactly the demon wants to communicate to you. Our spiritual community wants to embrace the power of love and looks down on the love of power. Yet, all the demon says is please look again. There is something that you currently disown about yourself. While dealing with dark forces is always very confusing and can be quite destructive for us spiritual travelers, try nevertheless to find out why these dark symbols appeal to you. First, understand what these symbols truly stand for, and second, find a creative way to make them your own in real life without undermining your spiritual journey in the process. No matter how scary your demon may look to you, there is always a creative way to express your natural power base without undermining your spiritual path.

All ego fantasies in the end boil down to the fact that you have not yet found your authentic spiritual power base and your demon brings this insight home in steamy images. Learn from your bedroom demon what kind of adjustments likely lie in store for you and work on expressing them. Perhaps you are simply too aggressive in your day to day dealings and your demon encourages you to get more in touch with your caring feminine self. Perhaps you are not assertive enough, so your demon wants you to stand up for yourself. Perhaps there is fear inside you that you are not able to satisfy your partner. Shadow work assumes that you will always find a creative outlet for your authentic needs and as you do, the demon will naturally fade into the background.

We are not condoning sexual fetishes, but we also don't condemn them. Just observe what is going on in your bedroom and explore how you can manifest your authentic power base in real life. Sexual fetishes are certainly not helping your spiritual path but at least the problem statement is out in the open. Suppressing your darker desires in the name of spirituality may just mean that the rude wake-up call still lies ahead. Experiment with your partner and discover how with her help the love of power naturally evolves into the power of love. Love and power do not have to clash at all. Wherever love is you will command natural power. But you may have some work ahead to claim it for yourself.

This note is part of "A Demon in the Bedroom" series. Please also look for
"Sex and Spirituality: The Dance of Yin and Yang" and
" Don't Confuse Mind Sex with Mind - Blowing Sex"

By Christian and Su Zhen

Beware the Illusion

In the beginning there was a tree in the middle of the garden - it had a big sign, "Beware the Illusion!" written on it. When Adam and Eve tasted its fruit, their demeanor changed; they were hooked and a long journey began.

I read a fascinating book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts", by Ogi Orgas and Sai Gaddam, two neuroscientists who speculate on what turns people on sexually and why. After first reminding us that when it comes to sex, women tend to be from Venus (more stimulated by psychological cues) while Men are from Mars (more stimulated by physical cues), I was fascinated by their explanation of our infatuation with pornography, sex cartoons like hentai or special bodies like she-males. The brain gets fed with an array of physical cues and we are wired to zoom in and are hooked. About she-males they said that many get extra hormone treatments to develop their special bodies, while our brain, the brain of a heterosexual male that is, gets hooked by the overstimulation of sexual cues. In the same vein are pornography and sex cartoons artificially designed to zoom into these physical cues and get us hooked. Beware the Illusion!