On Loneliness

Shirley is a very successful career woman and well respected in her community.  She loves traveling so she effectively has found her dream job woking for different international organizations. With her many different country assignments she has really seen the world.  Lots of people envy her for her job, her prestigious lifestyle, her high income and the many perks that come attached with it.  She literally gets to hang out with the high society around the world.

 Her hobbies and creative outlets are as impressive as her resume. Shirley enjoys all sorts of activities, hiking, surfing, swimming, food, exhibition, reading, dancing, cooking, scuba diving, gardening, concerts and traveling; you name it, she almost knows everything and she is really good at it.  There is only one problem, she almost always does everything alone. In all that activity she is in fact very lonely.

 You may think that loneliness is perhaps a price to pay of a top notch job with plenty of moving around. After all, how can one settle and raise a family with this lifestyle? It seems like her prestigious job comes with these strings attached. But there is more to the story. Loneliness comes from inside. Many people suffer from this problem. At least Shirley can blame her loneliness on her life circumstances. Others have actual friends, time at their hands, don't move much and still feel lonely!

 Loneliness is a sign that you have lost your connection with your Self, the Source.  When you are cut off the Source, you naturally feel isolated.  You think you are on your own and that your are separate from others. It seems like everyone drifts on separate islands. You make connections, you have interactions, you even have friendships, but deep down inside you ask yourself, "where is the love?" But perhaps you are afraid to admit that problem to yourself so you fill up your calendar instead. You go out and run from party to party  to fill up that void.  But no matter what you do, no matter how fast you run, you can never fill it.

Mainstream spirituality isn't the answer either. Chances are you would only make a project out of attracting that special someone as many self-help books suggest. You probably would come up with some affirmations of how your special life partner, or a meaningful friend, is just around the corner; you will convince yourself that you meet him at the next scuba diving event, or perhaps at your next work assignment. Well, chances are you will. But start with the void instead and you are more likely to turn your life around. Acknowledge the void, feel it, open up to it. Allow the emotion of loneliness to be there. Try to understand what this loneliness wants to tell you.  With your attention, with your acceptance, you actually start building up a connection with your Self.  You become your own friend. And as you do, see how all the islands that you perceived before are indeed all connected by landmass! Connect with your Self and experience the abundance of human connections, at work, while you play, everywhere really!

Think of connecting with your Self as polishing a very powerful magnet. Without the interferences friends will show up pretty much from everywhere.  Step by step, you are blessed with lots of wonderful friendships and lovers. Enjoy!

By Su Zhen