Me Me

 We are run by programs. Our mind, our memories, our anticipated pleasures and dreaded aversions are programs, devised over countless generations and affirmed by our upbringing and cultures. With Awakening we become aware of these memes that have a life of their own. Did you ever notice that a meme is literally “me me”, a program that ensures its own success by convincing us that it is us.

 

Life coaches come along and tell us that we can do so much better. “Be the best you can be,” they say, or “feel the fear and do it anyway.” Maybe it is a betterment of the dream we are caught in, especially if we manage to become aware of our own self-imposed interferences, but it is not the real thing. A program is placed on a program. Eventually we get fed up trying to become better. Eventually we want to wake up.

 

Spirituality comes along and tells us “don’t be an ego”, “be still”, or “be love”.

As such it is also just a program on top of a program. Yet, it’s a step towards the abolishment of the dream. When we keep trying the square the cycle, that is, trying to be still even though programs are running us, or trying to love even though our notion of love is conditioned. In stillness, in love, we become sensitive enough to spot the programs at work and rebel.

 

I did a letting go session the other day when I affirmed, “I let go of the energy of trying to be someone.” A memory popped up, my girlfriend complaining I spent too much time in the library. I thought I was after the truth all my life. I had a fantasy in those days to read books with lightening speed, but it occurred to me that with today’s AI power even that wouldn’t be enough. “Who cares, I concluded, as long as I am better than others!”

 

All these thoughts happened below the surface. It was an inner dialogue that was barely noticeable, almost dream-like. Suddenly I woke up from it with a bang. “What’s all this nonsense?”, I asked myself. “Was that it, a desire to be better than everyone else?” I always thought that my quest was to go after the truth, not a giant ego trip. What exactly powers our spiritual quest? Maybe it is the desire to become somebody by becoming a nobody!

 

I have no answer how to step out of the programming that has powered us for ages. What we can do though is to spot these programs as they unfold. We have countless opportunities each day, in our interactions, in the problems that we face, or simply sitting quietly and spotting the memes running their course. Sensitivity is what is called for and an honesty to acknowledge the inconvenient truth. Let’s tackle “me me” one at a time.