Corinne: When do we let go of a job, friendship, relationship, and when to double down on the commitment?
John: All answers are within. Theoretically, since all is one, then all questions and answers exist within. More practically, the answers lie in the heart, and in silence is no longer covered by mind and ego. We have to connect with our heart and intuition. Even when not making a decision, eventually the decision will be made for us.
Christian: I have observed that people who have been on this spiritual journey for a while are quite quick when it comes to letting go of a person, a connection, a job, whereas people who are more mind-driven are willing to stick around longer. The Christians will offer the second cheek, spiritual people won’t do it. The heart says “no”. Before awakening everything seemed more stable; our mind convinces us to stick around.
John: I was very close with some people. I had no awareness how racists they were. With awakening I became more sensitive, and the decision was made for me. I just never called again.
Corinne: Same happened to me. A friend was quite close and suddenly I realized how negative she was. So we drifted apart.
John: At the same time, new connections arise. Before our mind said, this person may be useful to me. All that stops.
Syed: The process of letting go is unfolding. All we can do is to observe. When we truly observe what’s happening in our lives it often becomes worse first. The pain body leads to more triggered thoughts that come to the surface. We tell ourselves that we have to do something about it. We try to escape, movies, smoking, exercising, games, etc. Don’t escape, sit with these emotion.
Tony: About seven years ago I was employed as a MC and DJ in the entertainment world. I wanted to quit but never did. I felt unfulfilled. Something comes in and makes the decision for you, and it’s usually not good what happens. I was on a tour with showgirls. The last year two girls died, one committed suicide and the other girl overdosed. Obviously, this job is ego based. Could I really have broken free without receiving that pain? Also, regarding the circle of friends and colleagues Christian mentioned, as soon as I retired from the job, I lost most of my contacts from the show-business. I had hundreds of connections; today maybe two or three are left.
Christian: I wanted to bring up the subject of religion. For me it used to be work. I considered myself a light-worker after awakening. It sounds a bit naïve, but it was quite a beautiful time. Today I would consider our two sons as religion. They have to grow up first, and I have to be around as a father figure.
Tony: These days I cling to almost nothing. I spend more time in the Zen community but only because it was readily available. I take all the experiences in but cling to nothing.
John: We hold onto everything. The thing that we hold onto is to our ego self. We all come from different vantage points, but we are holding one. From childhood on we hold onto dad’s hand. It all happens unconsciously. It gives us some sense of security to hold on. Profession, relationship, we hold on. In the inner journey, it’s all about letting go. In the final act we let go of self itself. The masters have done it; the rest of us would feel that we die. Actually, it happened to Ramana Maharshi. He saw his self die. His body was still alive, but his ego self had disappeared. That’s what we are really after. The letting go is a natural part of the later stage of the inner journey.
Suzanne: Could it be that we want to let go of ego because we are unable to face our pain? The spiritual quest is in fact a projection and we start an inner war inside that way.
John: We cannot let go of self, but we try to, so the inner war is inevitable.
Christian: Suzanne’s point was that we can face our pain, and that happens here now, and if we manage to let go of it, the drive to let go of ego diminishes as well. I also wanted to bring up the question of the unconscious. We tell conscious stories, the teachings, the books, the seminars, the methods, etc., they are all designed for our minds. Meanwhile though, life happens subconsciously and if we can become aware of that, we jump-start our spiritual insights.
Tony: My Zen teacher and I were talking about the subconscious and he said how we hold on to all these “schema” from the past, and they control us subconsciously, and you don’t even know it. Internally you think you have to survive. When you grow older and stronger you no longer need these coping mechanisms, but they still hold on to you. Unless you are able to release them, they still have control over you.
John: It’s all the ego self trying to survive however it can. It’s all subconscious. There are many methods to release the “knots of energy”. You have to learn to watch your emotions without engaging in them, as Syed already pointed out; same with thoughts. These “schema” are all forms of energy, and we have to be able to stand there in the background and watch them, and not engage with them. We feed this form of energy that we are completely unconscious of. You have to watch them and understand that engaging with them is pointless. Gradually, when you don’t throw coals on the fire, this source of energy will dissipate. There are active letting go methods. I participated in one and one woman released so much energy. It almost brought the sprinklers down on us.
Suzanne: You have to experience the pain. It’s difficult for most people. That’s why we would like to let go of the ego, and if we don’t know our ego, if we don’t know our suffering, then this energy keeps screaming in the background. For me the ego is a little different part of me, and it yearns for love and understanding. The ego looks for recognition and security. Maybe the ego is trembling but if we don’t understand it, it keeps screaming in the background. The ego is like a crying baby in the house. You better look out for the baby. When you try to understand your ego and your own pain, you go beyond it, but you have to allow to face your own pain.
Christian: When it comes to John’s inner journey and Suzanne’s ego observation, I reckon life is perfectly designed to show us where we still have work to do. If we say that in ten year’s time that we have made it through all our pain bodies, it will never happen, for that’s the mind speaking. Yet, if you show up this moment and face what life confronts you with, you actually have a shot at the here and now. I disagree with the spiritual notion that many have that we should always be the serene observer in the background. Sometimes we have to jump into the fire and use the opportunity to let go, just like the woman in John’s letting go retreat example. Of course, if you add coal to the fire, you are just setting yourself up for the next experience, but if you engage consciously, you have a shot at letting go and transformation. Actually, the subject that Corinne brought up—letting go or doubling down—is beautiful, because in that question lies our opportunity for transformation, and we have to thank life for bringing us that transformative moment.
Michael: The idea of letting go is important. It’s not a forceful process. It’s about looking at things how they are. You look at the thoughts and see what’s actually back there during the self observation. In Buddhism there are two pillars, there is wisdom and there is compassion. The wisdom part is really important, just to see what is going on. I observed for myself that doing less is better. Take a look at the fear inside. Am I making a fear-based or a love-based decision? There is a family reunion. It’s stressful to see my brother and my dad. My dad was angry all the time when I grew up. It’s interesting to see what all the narratives are that I am telling myself. Looking at what I am making up and what is reality. I remember from the GI Joe series how he always said towards the end of the show, “knowing is half the battle.” So true, half of the time we are causing our own problems.
Christian: You probably all remember Ram Dass’ quote, “You think you are so enlightened. Go and spend a weekend with your folks.”
Thank you all for participating. If you like to join the roundtable, please reach out and we add you to the distribution list.
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