When I was young, someone once gave me a refrigerator as a gift. My first thought was, Wow, this costs USD 4,000. How long would I need to work to afford something like this? Then fear immediately arose: What if it breaks? I don’t have the capacity to buy another one. I can’t afford this kind of life. People are being too nice to me.
I noticed something important—my reaction was fear. On the surface, it looked like the refrigerator caused my pain. But was the pain truly caused by the refrigerator? Should I blame the person who gave the gift, or the refrigerator itself?
The refrigerator actually brought convenience into my life. The pain came from how I looked at it. Because I was trapped in the belief that I cannot repay this; the refrigerator became a burden. In the same way, how others treat us can make us miserable, and we easily believe they are the cause. But in truth, the situation is like the refrigerator.
If someone says something that upsets or hurts you, the problem is not what they said—just as the problem was not the refrigerator. The real issue is that their words triggered an old wound. Past memories rise up, and we react from injury rather than from the present moment. It is not that the person or their words trap us; it is that our unresolved obstacles are still there, waiting to be seen.
The refrigerator revealed my fear—my fear of not being able to return kindness, my fear of inadequacy. When we learn to observe our reactions closely, we stop responding to the present with the attitudes of the past. When clarity arises, strength arises naturally. Strength does not come from fixing the issue, but from understanding it.
The soul grows in the same way. It does not ascend because we “deal with” our problems, but because we understand them. Only then can love appear; where pain dominates, love cannot fully exist.
When you truly look at your pain, a new perspective opens. There was nothing wrong with the refrigerator, and there is often no right or wrong in what happened. What happened is only the trigger—not the cause. With this understanding, we gain the strength to address our issues at their root.
If we only solve surface problems, the same patterns will return again and again. When an issue is not understood, it follows us. Unresolved energy becomes entangled with our soul, drawing similar situations into our lives repeatedly.
In family energy workshops, we often see that the entanglement between two people is an expression of their inner energies. When the “fridge” is fully understood, that entangled energy transforms into love. In that moment, a deep and unexpected joy emerges within the soul.
No one can give us this joy. It has always been inside us. Understanding simply allows it to appear. This is the heart of learning.
By Suzhen Liu
If you enjoy Suzhen Liu’s writings, please check out her new book, “Discover Love Within—Release Your Suffering” available on Amazon.
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