If we accept the fundamental impossibility of remaining totally innocent or completely guilty during our lifetime, we arrive at a deeper understanding and fuller conscious participation in the reality of human life without any arrogance or artificial holiness. We join all other human beings in a humility shared as a common ground.
(Bert Hellinger, With God in Mind)
The trick to forgive is to always remind you that the brother you are mad at could in fact be you. People can be grumpy, can't you? People experience a lack of love, don't you at times?Recognize yourself in your brother and all the artificial holiness you perceived only a moment ago vanishes in a heart-beat. We are neither totally innocent nor completely guilty, and neither is our brother.
The trick to forgive is to always remind yourself that whoever hurts you, probably doesn't mean to. Your brother is going down that robotic road of reacting to pressures, experiencing old psychological wounds, and fall victim to disappointed expectations. Is is really that hard to imagine that you could be in that situation instead?
If there is one thing we should all watch out for, it's the lack of love. The ego gets us there. Give us a situation that undermines our spiritual balance and we likely miss the love connection in a heart-beat. Worse, our mind will always find a way to rationalize that whatever we did was the right thing to do; yet, if we were truly in tune with ourself, the heaviness of our heart would remind us of our ego trip. The moment you realize that something is off in you, use that opportunity to snap out of it! And if a sister can't do it right now, why don't you disarm her with your smile and your love.
Whenever you realize a lack of love in a situation, it is often not because others want to hurt you, it is because they cannot connect with love at this moment. Let your sister remind you of your love connection. Let the strength to forgive arise in you and know that next time around, it is your sister who will carry you instead.
Instead of just looking at people’s weakness and hurt they may have caused, realize that they have tried their best and done some amazing things for you in the past. Now it is you who is able to look at the bigger picture. Your heart is the magnet that jump-starts hers at this special moment, and tomorrow your hearts will beat in unison again.
Whenever we realize that the treasure called love is really a dance that requires equal participation from all sides, it is quite easy to overlook occasional missed steps. Either we succeed together or no one will. No one is a perfect dancer, but all of us have to put our best foot forward. Let's figure this dance out together, shall we?
Whenever you realize the fact that sometimes people are not capable of giving you the love you need, just as sometimes you are not capable of giving people the love they need, you are suddenly free from all the hatred and regret. You learn the lesson of forgiving others and yourself. We all make mistakes. We all need to learn to forgive and be forgiven. With this realization a whole new world opens to us, a world of peace, acceptance, and infinite love.
By Christian and Su Zhen