Know Yourself

Have you ever observed how conditioned we are by our lifestyles and our habits?  I have observed how deeply conditioned I am by my habits and expectations. I am easily disturbed and bothered by any change of routine. I also lose my temper easily when situations and people don’t quite meet my expectations. It is embarrassing to admit that, even after having walked the Tao for quite a while now, I can easily lose my temper when things get hectic and when I feel out of my comfort zone.   

I feel pain inside whenever I need to adjust myself to a new situation or to a new person. Sometimes I feel just like my autistic son; autistic people are known to be easily agitated when their routine is changed, or when something doesn’t quite meet their expectation, they will immediately throw a tantrum. So when I observe some of my reactions these days, I discovered similar reactions and behaviors. Sometimes my tantrums are not much different. Isn't it scary that we can still behave like toddlers when we sensitive issues come up? But isn't both liberating and fascinating when you can become aware of all this?

Reflecting back on my life I realized how grumpy my father used to be whenever something didn't quite meet his expectations.  He threw tantrums routinely to get his way. I remember how scared I was when that happened and now I am doing the same thing. Isn't both fascinating and scary when we wake up one day to the fact that we are in reality just doing our parents' homework? Are you also like me?  How do you react when you are thrown out of your comfort zone? Are you doing your parents's homework? Do your children communicate something that you were never willing to admit to yourself? Observe yourself! You don’t have to have an answer now.

 Walking on spiritual path encourages us day in, day out to know ourselves. While there may be some scary wake-up moments, dropping this stuff by the wayside is so liberating. All the people and scenes you encounter along the Way are here to help you in this discovery process. Have fun with it!

By Su Zhen