We have no right to criticize someone's life accomplishment. We don't know what the internal pressures may have been to persuade someone to do something at a particular point in their life; only the person who reflects on these accomplishments and mistakes herself has any right to make any judgements.
I could imagine a God - a Universal Mind - Who looks at every soul's journey like an artist would at a picture. Some are darker in tone, some are more impressionistic, but always God simply exclaims, wow!
Go away from the notions of good and bad, drop the notions of must and should have, just paint a beautiful picture. And if forces beyond your control push you in a different direction, just adjust your color choices and the motif!
Fall in love with the pressures within; understand that they are the ones that launch you on your mission. Make your mission a beautiful one and it will be much easier to appreciate, and perhaps even bless, the conflicts and pressures within.