Chasing Games

When I was younger I felt great about myself when I attracted the opposite sex. The more guys I attracted, the better I felt about myself. But then one day I realized that this was because I didn’t have confidence about myself. I used the attention from others as a sign of self-approval. However, this didn't stop the fun so I continued with the chasing games. I loved the excitement of exploring the other person as well as his attention to me. The feeling of being needed greatly nourished my ego.

When Facebook became popular, it was so easy to make friends with the whole world.  Suddenly, I got lots of friend requests by people from everywhere, which made me feel special. I spent a lot of time on Facebook until one day again I realized that all of this excitement was needy; more than that, it in fact became compulsive. I needed to make friends to escape from my own emptiness. I felt lonely inside and wanted to connect with people to drown this feeling out. At that special moment I suddenly realized that I didn’t really connect with people around the world. All I had to do was to connect to myself! I closed my account and befriended myself instead.

How easy it is to run away from our life because there are so many challenges to overcome and lessons to learn!  We always dream that there will be a Prince Charming who will take away our pain and that we can live happily ever after. I always forget that love, happiness, and intimacy are something we need to find within and not to count on external sources. As we learn to love ourselves, suddenly, we feel intimate to everyone close to us; and suddenly we are filled of love and joy, as are the people around us.

By Su Zhen