Sunday, May 10, 2015

Out of the Darkness, into the Light (Continued)

I'll spread my wings and I learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky. 
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, 
make a change, and breakaway!
(Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway)

I wrote this shadow note in 2012 and experienced a break-through moment with it, though the internal conflict was by no means gone. Three years later I thought I could re-distribute it with just a few edits. Spiritual travelers struggle with their dark side for the very reason that they look down on their not-so-kosher desires, while many ordinary folks may have the same hang-ups but they simply accept them and go and run with them. We simply can't. Our energy centers change and stuff that used to work for us in the past simply doesn't anymore. We could sit there and complain about the conflict inside - and often we do - but in the end there is only one way that remains for us, forward. 

Brother, the war against your self is almost over. (A Course in Miracles)

Given that we started this Path and we have come so far, there is no turning back now. Let's take the last step and be free. 

Out of the Darkness, into the Light (12/27/2012)
Describing the shadow self is exactly like describing the ego, it is perhaps possible for you to identify the war that is going on inside, but it is pretty much impossible to communicate it in a way that is meaningful to people who don't share your problems. We all think that we are sitting on our own island, that we have our idiosyncratic problems when in fact we all face the same struggle; yet, each problem is carefully dressed in different clothes, so it is impossible to grasp what your soul sister is going through at the same time. You probably feel that there are some impurities inside yourself that are holding you back from experiencing who you truly are. If you are a spiritual traveler, it is probably dawning on you that you are on a journey through the darkness into the light. Your destination is wholeness and holiness, the only question is how will you get there. I hope that this note can help you in finishing the last steps of your journey Home.

The facets of the different shadow personalities are numerous. You may struggle with hidden aggressions, or you may secretly attack yourself. You may be driven to be a best selling spiritual author or you may be an endless worrier. You may struggle with compulsive behaviors or you may have prince charming fantasies. It doesn't matter what it is, step one in the process is to acknowledge that there is something off and step two is to do something about it. The Tao will make everything as simple for you. Your path forces you to change, and as you do, 
you will incorporate all aspects of your personality in a wholesome way. As your dark energies are being redirected into new outlets you are experiencing an energy supply and a connectedness which are multiples of your former shadow self.

Tolerance for pain may be high, but it is not without limits. Eventually everyone begins to recognize that there must be a better way. (A Course in Miracles)

Tao travelers are not any "better" than other people, we are all children of God. What is different though, we are suddenly given the chance of putting the pieces of the divine puzzle together. The laws of cause and effects become visible for us in real life. It seems that time and space  shrinks for us. For all other folks the effects of karma are hard to study because cause and effect come in different stages of their lives and in different situations, so it is close to impossible to put the pieces together. A Tao traveler can see pretty much immediately when the Law of Oneness is violated. For example, I have a latent ear infection. Whenever I allow any impurities in my life, my ear infection is immediately acting up, without fail. This is not God punishing me for what I may or may not have done. This my subconscious being in rage over the situation. After a day or two the disease disappears just the way it came. It is actually fun if you can put the pieces together with harmless symbolic acts like this one.

A Tao traveler will also go through enormous energy fluctuations which you probably have never experienced that way before. The reason is that your energy centers are opening up, so you experience a surge in energy and you also likely live your life with an intensity that you have never done before. But this also means that impurities will now hit you with the impact of a sledge hammer. You literally feel like dying when that happens and this is the stage when you will finally muster the will-power and the resolve to take the last step. Actually, these "down-phases" also used to happen in the past, but you projected your pain onto the "villains" in your movie plot and felt much happier that way. Today you internalize everything that happens in your life and that brings a new intensity of pain with it. Be glad when you have reached that level of spiritual maturity. Life is really simple that way - if it is you who is causing this pain just use the key that you hold in your hands - cut all impurities out of your life and experience eternal bliss afterwards.

The aspects that need solving do not change, whatever form the problem seems to take. It will recur and then recur again until it is solved forever. (A Course in Miracles)

Do not wish your dark side away. This aspect of yourself that thus far you have safely swept under the carpet defines you whether you like it or not. All you have to do is to accept your internal tension and express it in a creative way without undermining your spiritual path. Also, let not anyone but the Tao tell you how your path is supposed to look like. Some spiritual travelers eat meat, some share the Spirit with sex, some work in cut-throat industries. You define for yourself what soul mission you are on and just get it done with. 
Lord Krishna showed Arjun the path to enlightenment on the battle-field in the Bhagavad Gita. Who knows what demons you have to conquer before you can come home, only you and the Tao can be the judge of that.

Value your internal pressure and see how in time the ugly piece of coal is transformed into a sparkling diamond. Let the problem at hand define the person you were born to be. Honor your problems. You will like the way you look after your transformation is done. Sure, it may be hard work, and it may be scary at times, but then, what choice do you really have?

The Holy Spirit will not deprive you of your special relationship but would transform them. (A Course in Miracles)

Who knows why you chosen the path that got you to this stage. Perhaps you have fallen in love with your partner because of some of your not-so-holy desires. Perhaps your best buddy at work has been carefully chosen by you because he can get you that promotion you have always aspired. Do not question the path that got you here, trust instead that it is in you to heal all your motives in time so that you converge with the path of love. The same applies to all the people you interact with. They have signed up for this healing course together with you. Some of your friends may disappear and some new ones might come. Trust that you are in fact in a perfect environment to grow spiritually and see all previous impurities melt away with the help of your soul siblings.

If you find resistance strong and dedication weak you are not ready. Do not fight yourself. (A Course in Miracles)

Spiritual path travelers have a big super ego. We have seen Jesus' resolve in dealing with his temptations and Buddha's wisdom and will-power to withstand his. Yet, Buddha spent many years experimenting with his psychological issues, while little is known about Jesus soul-searching process prior to his trip to the desert. When you see a lot of back and forth in your effort to cut out impurities stop and see whether there is anything you can do differently. I spent a lot of time with my compulsive habits cycling back and forth and beating myself up over them afterwards until one day I simply decided to just be mindful of what is going on without judging. One day you will transcend the internal conflicts just like Buddha and Jesus did in their three final temptations. But until that day, why don't you try to figure out what exactly the shadow side wants to communicate to you. What authentic needs are you not yet granting yourself in the name of spirituality?
Buddha allegedly once said: "The good things, do them - the bad ones, don't." In the end it will be as easy as that, but until you get to that stage, first find out why Mr. Hyde always pops out just when Dr. Jekyll declared that he will now be good for good. Find a way that equally excites the Angel and the devil on your shoulder. This path exists; God doesn't want you to struggle. Do not be afraid to look into the dark corners of your being. Your hard work and your boldness to confront your dark self will pay off. Wholeness and holiness are waiting for you.

You must choose between total freedom and total bondage, for there is no alternative but these.
(A Course in Miracles)

A spiritual path is an all-or-nothing exercise where the "have it all" choice has been made long before you were born. But to get there, you have to bump into the wall a few times just to boost your commitment to the necessary level. The daughter of God is free, but she has to be shown the alternative to make that step into the light. You either are pregnant or you are not. Just as you can't be half pregnant, you can't be half free. It is fascinating to watch how all compulsive habits are an escape from freedom. An escape from freedom is an absolute no-no to every spiritual traveler. Well, find a way to break free. Make it your Way.
When it comes to addictions and compulsive behaviors, the "ordinary folks" want to have their old life back. They want to function normally the way they did before, free of these attacks of compulsion whether they be sex, gambling, substance abuse, alcoholism, shopping, depending on others, working, or whatever else people can get addicted to. The Tao traveler is in a very different position, for us there is no going back. Now is the time to be free. Honor your so-called problem for it gets you there.

Delay will hurt you now more than before, only because you realize it is delay, and that escape from pain is really possible. (A Course in Miracles)

The pain of not living in freedom is increasing over time, that is the motivation to live an "all-or-nothing" approach to life. Use this pain to reposition yourself. You are on the road to wholeness and holiness my friend, and you get there because you really don't have an alternative. 

Be never fearful of temptation, but see it as another chance to choose again. (A Course in Miracles)

There is no need to be afraid of temptations. They will lead you Home. Take a step to the right and learn, take a step to the left and gain wholeness. You cannot make a mistake. You will soon learn that you are on a spiral that experiences smaller and smaller oscillations with every step that you take. In the limit there is only peace, joy and love.

In this world you can become a spotless mirror in which the Holiness of your Creator shines forth from you to all around you.  (A Course in Miracles)

Every impurity will be washed away. That is the way of the Tao. The way towards holiness may well be by exploring your dark side until you have managed to incorporate everything that is still missing from your wholesome personality into one beautiful mensch, and a 
spiritual being.

When you are weary, remember you have hurt yourself. (A Course in Miracles)

Pain can be a great teacher, as can exuberance. The spiral will converge to a single point full of peace, joy, love and power. Let the years go by and you will figure out the divine puzzle. Hold on 
to the Tao - She will teach you everything that you need to learn on your journey Home. 

Nothing real can be threatened,
nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the Peace of God.

(A Course in Miracles)

There is nothing to regret and nothing to fear. Just finish your journey and enjoy God's Peace. 

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