Perfect Imperfection

I have hostility in me, and I perceive greed and lust as well. The interesting thing is, I didn't quite experience these emotions the way I did in the olden days. Then, my powerful righteous mind literally overrode the volcano slumbering inside. While I certainly had my anger outbursts in the past, I justified them as being on a path of righteousness. I also had my bouts of horniness, but I attributed it to my dark side. And as far as greed is concerned, I probably didn't accept that in me at all. I still remember when I read J. Krishnamurti's insight that fast eating is a symbol of greed. "Oh", I thought to myself, "isn't that what I do?"

Today, I perceive the same faces, interactions and events very differently. Sexual desires get me when I see an attractive woman; I accept these desires, experience them, and then mostly manage to move on given that as a married person I can't pursue them anyway. When I experience greed today, I picture how I can be more proactive about getting what I am after, and simply treat myself a little better in the process. But then, the biggest constructive change has been the experience of anger.

In my volatile financial professional, anger pops up often given that we are sometimes caught on the wrong side of the trade, or fair-weather friends become bad-weather foes when they feel that I am in their way. But again, today I experience the same movie script very differently. Situations and triggers that would have pushed me over the edge before I now see as opportunities to get a point across. Just because I see the famous red flag waved in front of the bull, doesn't mean I have to go after it. I no longer see these confrontational faces and situations as black and white, or good and bad. I simply see them as an opportunity to get all the negative stuff out of the system, digest it, and move on without accumulating new baggage in the process. And if on those few occasions I have to sidestep conflicts because I can't do anything constructive about them, I let the anger rise in me and channel the negative energy in a more productive direction. And if worst comes to worst, I simply hit the gym.

Today I accept who I am deep inside, but I also realize that life is here to help me to let go. Life challenges help me to reflect, redirect and respond in a constructive fashion to the problem at hand. When you become a spiritual traveler you in fact realize that there is a "perfect imperfection", allowing us to recognize the suppressed problem areas, do something about it, and eventually to let go of them. Look at yourself and your challenges from this angle and use life's priceless opportunities to transform yourself.