Early Childhood Memories

The first few memories I have about this life are very confusing. I remember I was not sure why I was in this body and where exactly I was? With this confusion, I couldn’t help but start crying. I must have been 2 or 3 years old that time.

I remember, I was confused who I was. It seemed to the little me at that time, there was not a solid “I”. I was changing all the time. Sometimes, I was happy, sometimes I was sad, sometimes I was not able to crawl, but very fast I was walking all over the places. So which one was me?

I since had difficulty to describe who I am because for me it is very clear there is no solid “I” and I had difficulty whenever there was a writing assignment about the “me” that seems to be so simple for everyone to describe.

I also remember vividly that I was questioning my relationship with my parents and family in my first few memories. I was wondering why they were taking care of me and why I was there? I remember asking them, “Where I am from?” Of course, I got answers such as “I picked you up on the street, and you popped out from a rock.”

I really didn’t think that they were my family and that was my home. Everything seemed so strange and new to me. I remember that I had this familiar feeling when I looked at the sky. I felt that I was from there. Whenever I looked at the sky; whenever I heard that sound that seemed from the deep universe, I felt at home. I felt so serene then.

I also had so many memories that I woke up from naps and cried hard because I didn’t know where I was and why I was there. Now looking back, I was so in fact correct in my perceptions, while most people thought I was peculiar.  We are all enlightened when we are born and grow up. We always are, we unfortunately just forget.

By Su Zhen